


Shintaro's Happiness Theory

by ValhallaTime



Series: Touketsu Project [3]
Category: Kagerou Project, Mekakucity Actors
Genre: AU, Angst, Family, Fluff, Gen, KagePro AU, Kagerou Songs, Mekakucity Actors - Freeform, Reverse Personality AU, Romance, Siblings, Touketsu Project, Tragedy, ayano's theory of happiness, kagepro, reverse au, tw: suicide mentions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-04-20 22:39:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14271045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValhallaTime/pseuds/ValhallaTime
Summary: As the years kept on running by, Shintaro often found himself thinking about his family.(Reverse!AU Ayano's Theory of Happiness for Touketsu Project)





	1. Confusion and Children

He still remembered the day he first met his sister.

It had been confusing, to say the least. And for Kisaragi Shintaro, being confused about anything itself was strange.

For a boy who was just shy of turning three, he couldn't remember a time where he hadn't been hailed as a genius; learning and maturing so much faster than any of his peers in preschool. While the other children were coloring and taking naps, Shintaro was eagerly reading books, writing words and counting numbers with ease. He listened and understood what grownups said, almost completely. The only words that the caretakers ever had to say to his parents were congratulations and praises of him.

"Your son is amazing for his age! A true prodigy."

"Little Shintaro is so bright! Kisaragi-san, you and your husband are so blessed to have him."

"Why, I bet you could skip kindergarten altogether, place him in an elementary school and he would be able to keep up!"

While the compliments made his parents happy, and thus, Shintaro happy, he didn't really understand it all. Was he really so special? So different? It didn't feel like he was. He was just like the all the other children, right? If not, was this the reason why none of them would play with him? Because he was too smart? Why the bigger kids would push him around all of the time? Why none of them seemed to understand things he knew or cared about? Was this the cost of being a 'genius'? He wasn't so sure he liked it at all anymore.

Regardless, the praises never stopped coming and Shintaro eventually got used to them, though he tried not to give it much thought. Overall, there was no doubt that he was quite smart and understood quite a lot for a someone just leaving toddlerhood.

But perhaps he wasn't so different after all, because of course, like all children including prodigies, there was still so much little Kisaragi Shintaro didn't understand. Things that confused him. For example, the last few days. Or maybe months. He didn't know for once.

Why was his mother's stomach so big? Shintaro didn't like it; it made it harder for him to hug her.

Why were his aunts and uncles coming over with things like diapers and bottles? Shintaro's parents had said that he was a baby anymore, he didn't need them!

And finally, where were his father and mother going? And why to place so far away that they had to ask his grandmother, who lived away in some place called 'Hokkaido', to come and watch him for a few days?

He had tried asking; he was still smart little Shintaro after all. But all he ever got was "It's a surprise, honey. One you'll really like. So just wait for a little longer, okay?"

During the last time he had asked however, they had added something new to the explanation. "Tou-san and kaa-san will be back in a day or two, and we'll bring the surprise home with us."

Shintaro wanted to protest, to say that he didn't even want the surprise in the first place. He didn't want tou-san and kaa-san to go; he would miss them.

On the other hand, Shintaro had never been one to cry or make a big fuss over little things like this, so just like all the last times, he didn't. "Okay, kaa-san. I will wait until you come home."

"Good boy, dear," his mother cooed and patted his head, while also stroking her bulging belly. Shintaro didn't understand why she looked like it was hurting her. He wanted it to stop.

Soon after, he was waving goodbye to them with his grandmother on the porch as his parents drove away in the car. He hoped that when they returned, his 'surprise' would be worth it. That he would finally understand what was happening.

"Come on now, Shin-chan," his grandmother had said with a gentle smile after his parents had driven out of sight. "Let's get out of this chilly air and play cards inside."

"...okay, obaa-san."

* * *

The days with Kisaragi-obaa flew by faster than Shintaro had thought they'd go. They were mostly spent watching TV, listening to her many, many stories, helping her with chores around the house, etc. It wasn't a problem, however; Shintaro found himself enjoying his grandma's company and growing accustomed to her calm and peaceful lifestyle. So much that he almost forgot to miss his mother and father. Almost, of course.

As much as he loved his obaa-san, he wanted his whole family to be around him. He couldn't help but wonder endlessly about when his parents would be returning.

...they  _would_  be returning, right? Kaa-san promised after all, and she never broke her promises to him...

But what if-

"Shin-chan! Don't sit by the door for so long, it's freezing! Come now; dinner's ready! "

He blinked his eyes out of their trance. Ah, he had been staring out the front door window at the driveway again, huh...

With a sigh, he picked himself up from the stool he had been sitting on. He made sure to put on a smile for his grandmother, and not to tell her of his worries as they ate his favorite red bean flavored dish.

_They'll definitely be back._

* * *

And he was right.

At exactly 10:34 PM on February 14, almost an hour after obaa-san had put him to bed, he was awoken again.

The front door was opening.

Footsteps.

...crying?

Someone was definitely downstairs. But when he got up to go tell his grandma, he found her missing from the mat next to his.

Ahh, so she was already taking care of it. No need for him to go down then. Might as well go back to bed, he thought as he walked past the bedroom door-

"Where's Shintaro?"

Kaa-san.

"Upstairs sleeping."

Obaa-san.

"Well, best not wake him until morning then."

Tou-san.

Shintaro didn't need to think twice. He flung the door open and practically flew down the stairs. He didn't stop running until he bounded, arms stretched out, right into the parent closest to him.

It happened to be his father. While at first startled by the two little arms suddenly hugging him, the man soon picked his son up, the tails of his red scarf messing up the little boy's hair.

"Guess there's no need to wait until morning, huh Shintaro?" Mr. Kisaragi murmured aloud, rubbing Shintaro's pajama-covered-back up and down.

Shintaro didn't say anything, too absorbed in his father's hug. Eventually, he felt himself being passed to his mother. Her belly was still larger than normal, but he found it easier to hug her now for some reason.

"Did you really miss us this much Shintaro?" He nodded into her dark hair. "Hmm. I'm so glad I have such a loving son."

She placed a kiss on his forehead and rubbed away the tears forming at the corners of his eyes. "Shhh, shhh. Don't miss us anymore; tou-san and I are back now just as I promised. Do you remember what I  _also_  promised you?"

Shintaro's mind clicked instantly. "The surprise?"

Kaa-san nodded. She gestured over to his grandmother. Hobbling over, she handed his mother a bundle of white cloth.

 _Moving_  white cloth.

The bundle was being rocked oh so gently in her arms, and she kneeled down to allow Shintaro a chance to peer in. He couldn't contain his curiosity anymore. What could it possibly be?

As he peeked in, his mother carefully pushing back a fold of cloth, he found out.

"A... baby _?"_

A baby indeed. A tiny little one with soft pinkish skin, chubby cheeks, and a bald head that was already sporting a few fluffy tufts of hair. Bright orange hair, unlike his mother's, but just like his father's.

 _"_ As sharp as ever, Shin-chan," Obaa-san laughed, walking towards her rocking chair by the fireplace. "It's a beautiful baby girl."

Shintaro was too mystified with the little thing trying to wiggle out of kaa-san's arms to ask how his grandmother already knew it was a girl. He tilted his head. He swore the baby did the same right after.

"Well, what do you think of her?" His mother asked quietly, cradling the baby back and forth.

"I... don't know. Why did you bring me a baby, kaa-san?"

Tou-san placed a hand on his shoulder from behind. "She's not just any baby, Shintaro. She's our child, just like you are. Her name's Momo. Kisaragi Momo. She's going to be your little sister now."

"Little sister?"

"Yes, and you're her 'onii-chan' now too. Her big brother."

"O-onii...chan...?"

"Do you know what that means, Shin-chan?" Grandmother called from the other side of the room, watching them all with wise eyes. "It means that Momo-chan is your responsibility now. You have to protect her, watch over her, and love her always."

"...but, why?"

Obaa-san laughed an old wise laugh, sounding just like his father. "Because that's what big brothers do!"

"..." Shintaro turned to face his parents again. "Tou-san, kaa-san... do I have to?"

"Well, the choice is really up to you, I suppose." Tou-san considered. "You're growing into a boy now, so you have to decide for yourself. Ehe, no pressure."

"Not all on your own though! We'll always be here," Kaa-san gave tou-san a little twack to the side, before continuing. "Oh, but please, Shintaro. Will you please promise to us that you'll be a good onii-chan to Momo? That you'll always love and get along with her? And most importantly, that you'll always be there with her no matter what?"

When her son didn't answer, Mrs. Kisaragi sat him down on the couch and very, very,  _very_  carefully laid the bundle into Shintaro's arms, completely trusting him to not drop it. He tried his best not to hold onto his new 'sister' too tight or too loose. His hands couldn't help but sweat a little.

_She's so warm, so small._

Shintaro paused for a long time. He looked back at his parents' and grandmother's patient faces, searching for his own answer. Big brother? Onii-chan? Protector? How could he be any of these things? He didn't have any friends so how would he play with her? For all his talents, there was still so,  _so_  much that he didn't know, including anything having to do with babies. What would he choose? What would his answer be...?

The complicated racking of his three-year-old brain was interrupted, however, as the bundle in his arms began to sniffle and squirm, ready to cry. Not wanting to hand her back just yet, Shintaro peered down at the whining baby cautiously. Her whimpering left a pang of sympathy in his heart. He suddenly felt a longing to make her smile again. How could he comfort her? Obaa-san had sung old songs to him before bedtime during the past few days, could he try that? With a small breath, he tried to hum a tiny made-up lullaby to the tiny, teary baby.

Miraculously, it worked. Momo stopped moving and opened her eyes to him for the first time. In doing so, Shintaro found himself staring back at dark, shiny, innocent orbs. Just like his.

His chest swelled with affection. This feeling was... love, right? To test it, he kissed the top of her downy head like kaa-san had. If he had been even the tiniest bit uncertain, it all vanished when the little, adorable, perfect sister in his arms started giggling; trying to reach up and grab at his face with her plump little hands. Only then did Shintaro know for certain that it was love. He smiled warmly back down at her and consequently made his decision.

Maybe...in another time, in another place, in another boy... Shintaro would've simply said 'yes' to his family, but not really mean it afterward.

But in this time, in this place, in this boy...

"Okay kaa-san, tou-san, obaa-san! I promise to be Momo's onii-chan forever and ever."

...Shintaro meant every word of his answer. It wasn't really all that confusing, or transparent of a question, after all.


	2. A Tear In The Bliss

It wasn't long before Shintaro began to like playing 'big brother'.

No, wait. Scratch that. He loved playing it.

He loved it enough to say that his sister's birth was one of his favorite memories, no matter how confusing it had been. And as the years passed by all too quickly, more and more memories of time spent between the two of them began to store up in his mind.

* * *

Perhaps he missed when Momo had still been a newborn baby the most. He could still remember her from back then as clear as day: bright-eyed and growing more sunset-colored hair by the day, she had been a constant source of adorable smiling and giggling. Sitting on Shintaro's lap, all he had to do was make a funny face or sing a silly song and his little sister was sent howling with drolly, infant laughter.

"Ohii-fan!" she had kept trying to pronounce while grabbing at her brother's hair. The words made his heart swell even if the grabbing hurt his head.  _Onii-chan_. Their parents swore that it was Momo's very first word. Shintaro secretly hoped that it was too.

"'Onii-chan,' Momo," he would calmly coo back and rub her head. It was a big contrast to her guffawing and kicking; it seemed that she already wanted to run even before her legs were ready to let her stand. Unlike Shintaro, whom kaa-san said had been much shyer and sensitive when he was born.

By then it was already clear how different the two of them were and how they would continue to differ as they grew. Even now, Shintaro was still on the quiet, reserved side. His sister, however, seemed to always be laughing, screaming and crawling into unknown places. (Laundry baskets weren't proper places to take naps, Momo. Tou-san nearly fainted).

Yet, Shintaro couldn't help but adore his sibling, however unnecessarily energetic she was. He had done his best to play fun games with her, protected her from the scary vacuum and electric outlets, and helped her learn to properly walk and run and jump once she finally turned one. They were all memories he would never let himself forget. Not that he was able to forget them anyway,  _es_ _pecially_  that last one. It was amazing how many times a little infant girl could fall down, yet keep getting back up, and with a toothy smile each time...

"Ohii-chan! Onii-can! Look! I walkin'...!" The orange-headed toddler squealed and bounced on her shaky knees in front of him, simultaneously pulling him from his thoughts.

Soon enough Shintaro was grinning warmly down at her. "Yes! Momo is!" Holding her plump hands and twirling her around the room, their parents watching on the side, Shintaro had hoped that these happy, peaceful days would never end.

* * *

They did end of course like all things had to, and before he really knew it, Momo had turned two, three, four, and then five. Their parents watched proudly as Momo grew from a hyperactive baby to a hyperactive little girl, and as Shintaro grew from a quiet little boy to a quiet older boy.

Even if he missed Momo being a baby, Shintaro could admit that five-year-olds were more interesting than newborns and a  _whole lot more_  exhausting.

"Onii-chan! Onii-chan, hurry up!" she called; finally able to pronounce his title properly.

She had definitely developed much better stamina than Shintaro, who was already kneeling and panting for breath after following her all the way to the park.

"Let's play 'movie actors' today!" Momo demanded, impatient for her brother to join her game.

"We played that yesterday Momo! Can't we play 'stay inside and read' instead?" Shintaro asked. "It's fun too."

"But acting is so much more fun!" she insisted. Watching actors and idols on television was one of Momo's favorite pastimes, regardless of her brother's own preferences (he preferred listening to music and reading manga and playing games online.) However, just watching them dance and sing and sparkle beautifully often wasn't enough for his sister. She loved pretending to be one herself and always ended up dragging him outside to do it with her.

Even now, Shintaro couldn't deny her wish. "Alright Momo, we'll play it again." He made sure to hide his weary sigh with a smile.

She beamed. "You're the best onii-chan! Don't worry; we'll read girly manga inside tomorrow. I promise!"

"Heh?! Th-they're not girly!"

"Are too!"

"Not!"

"ARE TOO!"

"That's it! I want to play actors too now; I'm gonna be the villain who ruins the brave hero's story!"

"Wahhhhh, you only wish, haha!"

As they reenacted scenes from different movies under the hot sun over and over again, Shintaro could also admit that exhausting things could be fun as well, and still be just as lovable.

* * *

Happy day after happy day kept passing by until Shintaro almost didn't realize that he himself had turned nine and was going to turn ten. The days until Momo's seventh birthday were a constant countdown in his mind, however.

Strange how he'd rather keep track of her age and well-being than his own. Kaa-san's and tou-san's too; it seemed that almost everything Shintaro did and thought was family-centered... but it was also strange how he could clearly remember most other things too, even if they didn't concern his family.

Little things, for example; most areas of math, science, and history that his school had covered - all of it came directly to him the moment he wanted to think about them. Anything he learned was permanently etched into his mind. Thus he kept receiving homework and test scores graded with one-hundred-percent, even when he forgot to study or didn't put any effort into his work at all.

Nothing ever changed. Day by day, paper by paper, grade by grade; all of them came back branded with shiny  _100%'s_  written in bright red ink.

While Shintaro never complained of course (he was getting perfect grades, how could he?) he had long grown past the point of trying to dismiss it. It was positively  _uncanny_. While his parents kept saying that it was simply because he was 'gifted with a good memory' and should be proud of his abilities, Shintaro couldn't help but wonder if it was normal to have such a perfect memory...

He almost came to hate his 'gift' even, when it made Momo cry.

"Momo! What's wrong?" he had asked her worriedly one evening. He had caught his sister crying on her bed in the room they shared.

"I-it's nothing onii-chan! I'm fine!" Momo hiccupped into her pillow, suddenly trying to wipe away the tears staining her cheeks.

Shintaro persisted, "Please Momo, what's the matter? Remember, you can tell me anything."

"Well... it's j-just, earlier, I tried showing kaa-san and tou-san a picture I made at school... b-but they were too busy talking about your perfect test, so they didn't pay any attention...!" A fresh batch of tears welled up in her eyes, and she covered her face with the pillow.

"I'm so sorry, onii-chan," she whimpered muffledly. "Kaa-san says I should be happy for you, b-but it feels like nobody sees me at all. I... I just, wish people would notice me a bit more. Even if my grades aren't very good like yours. Just a little attention, t-that's all..."

The pillow dropped from her arms and tears pooled into her hands. As she cried again, Shintaro couldn't do anything but look down at his in guilt. What could he do? For once he had no idea. Unlike before he couldn't just chase his sister's sadness away like a monster under her bed if he himself was the monster making her upset.

 _This is my fault, maybe I should have purposefully gotten a few answers wrong,_ he thought while helplessly watching his kid sister weep.  _A_ _ll because of a test._  For once, Shintaro hated being smart. What good was it if he made Momo feel bad? If he couldn't use it to make her feel better?

 _Some big brother I am._ _Still... I have to try._

"Can I see your picture?" he asked gently, bringing her hands down so he could look her in her wet eyes.

She sniffled. "No... it's bad anyway. I'm just being dumb for crying about it. Sorry again onii-chan, but I don't think you can cheer me up right now."

"Just let me see," Shintaro repeated, patient as ever. "Please?"

Momo complied eventually and handed him the piece of sketch paper, head hanging down.

As Shintaro scanned the paper, he felt a familiar warmth in his chest. It was a crayon drawing of their whole family; kind kaa-san, laughing tou-san, and both himself and Momo smiling on either side. Judging by the snowflakes drawn in the sky, the four of them were spending a nice wintry day outside.

While Shintaro knew that, yes, it wasn't the best picture in the world (in fact it was quite a bit crude) it definitely wasn't bad. It was their family, of course, that alone elevated the picture's worth in Shintaro's eyes.

With that thought, he had an idea.  _I_   _knew what to do._

"Wait here!" he yelped suddenly, running outside the room with the picture still in hand. Much to Momo's confusion, he came back with another paper in hand.

"Is... that your test onii-chan? You didn't come just back just to brag about it did you?!" she pouted indignantly after looking at the second paper more closely.

Shintaro shook his head frantically. "No, no, no! Uh, it's, ahhh-!"  _Why am I so bad with words...?_ "Here, just look!"

Setting Momo's picture on the ground carefully, he took his test (math, he remembered) and not so carefully, began ripping it up.

"Huwaaa! O-Onii-chan!" Momo cried out, shocked as she stared at her brother pulling his perfect score to shreds. "Don't destroy it! You worked hard on it! Onii-chan!"

Shintaro didn't listen, however, and kept tearing until all he had left in his hand was the white piece with the red 100%. The rest were scattered all over the bedroom floor, decorating it with numbers and letters.

"...onii-chan, are you okay? I don't understand..."

Taking a deep breath, Shintaro threw the last piece into the air and both of them watched as it fluttered down to join the rest. He then faced his stunned sister. "What do you see Momo?"

"You being weird? Your test paper on the floor? All broken into bits?" she asked as if it was obvious.

Her brother smiled. "Exactly. Just paper and pencil writing. That's all."

Reaching down, he picked up her drawing. "This, though? This has a meaning; it's our family! If I were to rip this up as well, something would be lost. Something nice would be taken from the world. Unlike a test, which I wouldn't miss at all. If I had to choose, I'd pick this picture over a good test score any day. For me, this is the thing worth paying attention to."

He handed the paper back to Momo and patted her pigtailed head. Her tears had all dried up at this point and her eyes glistened with happiness instead.

"You really mean it onii-chan? You like my picture better than your test?"

"Yup," he replied with a smile.

"You're the greatest onii-chan ever!" Momo exclaimed and barreled into his chest for a hug.

"Heh. You're not bad either, Momo. I'm glad you feel better," he said, returning the hug gladly. "Don't be mad at kaa-san and tou-san either; I'm sure they didn't mean to ignore your picture. Now that my test's busted we'll show it to them properly. Come on, I think I heard kaa-san calling us for dinner anyway. We can show them now and I'll make sure they pay attention this time."

"Yay! But uhh, we're gonna clean up your mess, right? Kaa-san gets scary when we don't clean up, remember?" Momo pointed to the scattered clumps of white on the ground.

"..."

Shintaro hadn't thought of that when he made his plan. Perhaps he wasn't so smart after all.

"AHHH! O-of course, you're right, you're right! Don't worry, I'll clean it up! Go to the table and I'll follow quickly."

"Okay, onii-chan~!" Momo sing-songed, cheerful once more. She skipped out of the room with the picture in hand. Shintaro winced a little bit, however, when he heard her stumble on something, but relaxed when he heard her quickly pick herself up and continue skipping. Seems that neither of them had been spared from the 'Kisaragi clumsiness' as his father called it.

_One thing we have in common, at least._

As Shintaro hummed to himself while picking up the pieces of paper to throw into a garbage can, he thought back on the drawing.  _Family..._

The four of them... would they always be together like in the picture?

 _Ah, of course, we will. We're a big happy family after all._ Shintaro shook his head and laughed to himself.  _So asking crazy things like that, it's just silly, right?_


	3. The Dog Days Are Starting

Looking back on all his happy memories, Shintaro could probably pinpoint the exact moment everything went to hell and the sadness started to seep in.

* * *

_February 15, years ago._

_Momo: 7_

_Shintaro: 8_

* * *

"A-A-ACHOO!"

Kaa-san tsked at the thermometer. "There's no other explanation, dear: you have a fever. Probably because of all the snowballs you and Momo threw at each other yesterday. I'm afraid this is just what you get."

Shintaro sniffled miserably and tried to pull a pillow over his head, only to sneeze again and drop it. "Hnnn..."

"How come I'm not sick then, kaa-san?" Momo asked and watched her brother with wide eyes, looking guilty.

Tou-san tussled her orange hair. "I'm afraid you're a bit stronger than your frail big brother."

"H-hey! I'm not frail!" Shintaro protested, looking like a very indignant, sick kitten under the blankets. "I can still come skating with you guys."

"Not a chance, Shintaro," kaa-san reprimanded. "You're much too ill. You're staying home so I can take care of you."

Momo jumped up, winter boots thumping on the floorboards in alarm. "But you said all of us would go skating today, kaa-san! Because there wasn't enough time to go yesterday. You said so remember?"

"Yes, Momo, I know. But can't you see that your brother isn't well right now?"

"Well, yeah but-!"

"Exactly, and he needs rest in order to get well again."

"Hmm..." Momo's expression dimmered. Shintaro could only look at her apologetically from his bed.

"Don't be so disappointed sweetie, you and your father can still go skating by yourselves."

"Sure, but it won't be the same..." Momo trailed off. "Hmmm, maybe we should all stay home then? If onii-chan and kaa-san can't come with us, what's the point..."

"No, you two should still go," Shintaro said, trying not to strain his voice. "You said that you wanted to skate yesterday, and you were pretty bummed when we had to go home before we could get to it. You should go and do it if you want to. Want to?"

Momo nodded. "Yup, of course. But what about you guys?"

"I'm fine with not going. Shintaro needs me here," their mother assured, already preparing medicine for Shintaro to swallow. Based on the thick, dark purple coloring of the bottle, Shintaro could already tell that it would taste terrible. He pushed it out of his mind before he could gag. "I don't mind if you go or not, but it's getting warmer every day; this might be the last time this winter that the ice will be solid enough to go skating at all. Just something to consider."

"I don't mind either!" Tou-san quipped up. "Whether you want to stay home or not, Mo, I'm good. Although I wouldn't mind going for one last spin on the ice."

"See? So you should go," said Shintaro.

Momo turned back and forth at all three of her family members, looking very conflicted. She finally stopped in front of her brother. "But, but! What about  _you?_ "

Shintaro smiled and straightened up as best as he could, resting against the bedframe. "It was  _your_  birthday yesterday, not mine. I can tell you really want to go."

"But I-"

"It's not your fault I'm sick. I'd want you to go have fun in my place. For some weird reason, you're a better skater than me anyway," he teased.

"Hmph. I have to be better than you with at least one thing, onii-chan," Momo pouted. "Sure, though?"

"Yeah, don't feel guilty about it. I'm fi -  _achoo! -_ I'm gonna be fine."

"Super sure?"

"Uhn."

Momo let out a breath in defeat. "Okay then, onii-chan. I'll tell you about it later. You better get better soon."

Their father beamed at them. "That's the spirit Mo! And looky here~" he started unwrapping the red scarf around his neck. With a quick swish in the air, it was suddenly re-wrapped it around Shintaro. "My lucky scarf will keep Shin extra warm. Now he'll definitely be all better by the time we get back."

Their mother scoffed, hands crossed over. "If he miraculously gets better in a mere day it'll be because of rest and medicine. Luck plays no part."

Tou-san feigned a look of offense. "What? Of course, it does," he wrapped a hand across his wife's waist. "It gives you the morale to become strong and healthy. Meds are only half the battle; you need a strong mind to pull you over the other half. Luck's a good source of it. Make good use of it, 'kay Shin?"

"Sure, thank you, tou-san," muffled Shintaro from under his newly given 'luck'.

Momo giggled at their father's antics while kaa-san rolled her eyes, though they all knew this meant she was amused on the inside. Shintaro laughed under his scarf. It was like their father had enough cheer to fill a stadium, which was just about the amount needed to make his stoic, serious-minded wife smile.  _They're really different from each other but still come together. I hope all couples are like this,_ he often thought when he looked at his parents.

Their mom sighed and started adjusting her husband's coat to better cover his now bare neck. "You two should get going," she said while securing Momo's hat. "Come home after a few hours only, not when it's already dark. I won't have you getting lost in the woods."

"Yes, dear," Father chuckled, kissing her lips and then Shintaro's forehead. "We'll be back by dinner. See you, Shin. Let's go, Mo!"

"Bye, kaa-san! Bye, onii-chan!" Momo waved from their tou-san's arms, carrying her out the door of her brother's bedroom. She was still waving when Shintaro looked out at them from his window as they walked away from the house.

He kept looking until their dad turned around to wave goodbye himself, and just like that, he and Momo had disappeared over the hill that led to the nearby pond.

"Bye..." he mouthed and slipped back into bed, feeling colder already.

"I'll be right back, Shintaro," kaa-san called from outside the room, already down the hall in search of things to help him. "Just sit tight."

"'Kay."

Shintaro pawed at the red fabric tangled around his shoulders. It was warm, soft, and didn't fit him at all. It was too big. Too bright. Too  _red_. Not him. It looked much better on his father and his loud, happy personality, Shintaro decided.

Shintaro hoped he'd be feeling better soon so he could give it back when they returned.

* * *

After eagerly eating two bowls of red-bean soup, reading several not girly and completely manly manga and generally being doted on by his mother for the entire day, Shintaro was left feeling quite content and sleepy. He almost felt less sick too and his coughing/sneezing had definitely decreased. He was feeling well enough that tou-san and Momo were no longer the only things on his mind.

They were for Kaa-san's mind, however. "Where  _are_  those two? They've been gone much too long. It's already past dinnertime!"

"Mmmmaybe they had so much fun they forgot the time," Shintaro offered, struggling to keep his eyelids up.

"That's not an excuse," she insisted, worry leaking into her strict tone. "Momo's going to catch a cold too at this point and your father isn't answering his phone. Honestly, that man..!" She turned and left the living room, coming back in just a moment.

"Kaa-san? Why are you putting on your jacket and boots?" Shintaro was barely awake at this point - otherwise, the answer would've been obvious.

"Going down to the pond to bring them home, and to give your father a serious lecture. Go ahead and sleep Shintaro, I won't be out for long."

Quickly pecking her son's cheek and pulling her husband's scarf a bit snugger around his neck, Mrs. Kisaragi left the house and started on her trek with determination.

Hearing the door click shut, Shintaro laid down on the couch and buried himself under the cushions. Finally, he let his eyes close. With one last thought, Shintaro drifted off into the world of sleep without a second one.

_I hope I wake up by the time they come back._

* * *

Shintaro didn't wake up until much later. Stirring slowly, his eyes opened to see that the house had turned pitch black, a stark contrast to the pretty sunset the sky had been when his mother left. He turned his head side to side leisurely as he adjusted to the darkness. His family hadn't returned yet, he guessed. If they had then the lights would be on and Momo would have shaken him awake instead.

"What time is it?" Shintaro muttered to himself in the dark, rubbing his eyes and not-as-snotty nose. Kaa-san's medicine and the nap he just took seemed to have sped up his recovery even more. At this rate, maybe he _would_ get better by tomorrow and make this one of the few times tou-san proved kaa-san wrong about something.

"Should I go back to sleep or-"

Suddenly, the knob of the front door rattled and turned, and footsteps could be heard outside. Shintaro snapped his head towards the sounds. Ah, they were back now! He had woken up just in time after all, what luck.

The door opened before Shintaro could get off the couch and open it. Nevertheless, he got up to go greet them, breezy red fabric trailing behind him. "Welcome back! You're a bit late though." Shintaro smiled in the darkness. He got no response from the people at the door.

Odd. Shintaro quickened his pace over to them. He could make out only one silhouette and as he got closer he saw that it was kaa-san. She looked to be carrying Momo in her arms. There was no other shadow, though, and a quick glance behind his mom told Shintaro that there was no one standing behind her either.

That beginnings of a bad feeling churned in Shintaro's belly. He switched on the lights. "Kaa-san, where's tou-"

Now able to see clearly, the boy's eyes widened and the words left his throat. His mother and his sister... they were completely soaked wet. So much that a puddle of pond water was pooling at his mom's feet. She hung her head low and didn't seem to be looking at him; her eyes had disappeared behind her wet, dark hair.

"K-Kaa-san...?"

Still no answer from the woman. Averting his panicking stare to the little girl being carried in her arms, Shintaro swore his heart stopped when he realized that Momo was unconscious. For a few seconds, he felt close to fainting himself until he saw that she was breathing. Breathing and shivering in her dripping clothes.

Shivers crawling up his own back, Shintaro bolted as fast as a sickly, nonathletic almost nine-year-old boy could sprint.

"KAA-SAN! Kaa-san, tell me! What happened? Where's tou-san? Is Momo okay?!" He raced his mouth off with question after question, trying to grip at his mother's wet jacket. She was freezing, and it only fueled her son's fear. A terrible thought had popped into his mind. A logical, but terrifying answer. He rejected it immediately.

"Okaa-san, please! Tell me what happened! Please!" He begged and begged. Her silence was deafening. It was as if she couldn't hear him, see him, or even knew he was there. Tears were streaming done the boy's cheeks when his mother finally decided to move from her standstill at the door. Still clutching her small daughter, Mrs. Kisaragi walked calmly into the house, ignoring the dirty footprints she left and ignoring the son she left at the doorframe as well.

Shintaro followed her footsteps anxiously. Distressed, he watched as his emotionless mother drew a warm bath, washed and then clothed his little sister who was only starting to wake up. Kaa-san didn't draw a bath or bring out new clothes for herself. She just kept staring into empty space, at her children as if they themselves were empty space.

Shintaro's smart mind kept whirling and twirling with possibilities, excuses, anything that could explain the wet clothes and his mother's withdrawal. And it always, always ended up at that one awful  _rotten_ ,  ** _scary_** answer...

_Is, is tou-san...?_

He continued to ignore it, desperate even and resigned himself to watch his mother lay Momo (who seemed to be falling into a proper sleep) down onto her bed from a creak in the door.

He backed away when she came out, still dripping wet and apathetic. He could almost see her eyes. They would be dead-looking, probably. Shintaro couldn't bring himself to speak even with his brain shouting at him to keep asking questions until he got an answer, instead bracing himself for more silence.

"Shintaro," she said suddenly, ironically, in a voice he could barely hear. He jolted up and forced himself to look her in the eyes. He could actually see them clearly. They  _were_  dead-looking.

"Watch your sister for me, please," Mrs. Kisaragi said, voice hollow and robotic-like. Again, Shintaro's mouth failed him and he could only squeak out an "okay." She seemed to have no more words to say, and Shintaro found himself actually welcoming the silence.

Taking a step away from him, his mother abruptly turned back around to him as if realizing something. Her dead eyes locked with his shaking ones and traveled downwards, falling onto the red scarf around his neck.

_No._

Kaa-san's dead eyes didn't look so dead anymore.

_No way._

Dead eyes didn't cry.

_There's no way, there's no way!_

Dead-eyed people didn't begin sobbing and then run to their bedroom and lock the door and crumple to the floor so they could cry even louder.

_No, no no no nono..._

Shintaro's blood flowed cold and his hands started shaking.

_Please... no..._

Now it was Shintaro who was staring into space. The answer swirled freely around his mind, free of any restraints besides his own weakening denial. His insides began to get colder and colder.

_Tou-san, t-tou-san's... he's- he can't be!_

"Onii-chan? What's going on?"

Shintaro whipped around and came face-to-face with the Momo's eyes, which still seemed a bit dozy from her short-lived nap and long-lived unconsciousness. She yawned and rubbed them. "Why is kaa-san crying?"

Shintaro surged forward and grabbed her by the shoulders.

"Momo! Are you feeling better?! Hurry, tell me everything!  _Exactly_  what happened when you were out," Shintaro urged, shaking her a little bit.

"Oh, well! Tou-san and I had a lot of fun. We skated for hours and hours. I didn't want to leave," Momo smiled.

"Yes  _and?"_

"And what?"

"What happened after that?! When you guys were supposed to come home? Tell me the truth. Something must have happened! " he cried, frustrated at her obliviousness.

A faint shadow crept over Momo's face. "Hmm, well tou-san said it was time to go home, but I still wanted to skate to the middle of the pond just once. Tou-san said it wasn't safe, but I thought it would be okay since it was only me."

The sweat beaded at Shintaro's forehead chilled and he could feel his stomach begin to freeze over as well. Oh. No.

"But when I went to the middle, I think.. the ice started cracking a little..." The memory made her voice waver a bit. "I think I heard tou-san yelling, probably because he was mad I went to the middle..." Momo looked positively pale now as if she was remembering something she had tried hard to forget. "Then, I had a nightmare."

"..w-what was it?" Shintaro managed to squeak out. The answer was glaringly clear, but he would rather deny it for as long as forever.

"It was so scary, onii-chan! I dreamed I was under the water and drowning. It was so cold and dark and I couldn't swim up for air!" Momo gestured wildly, trying to recreate it. "Even though it wasn't real, I thought I'd drown for sure. But then, out of nowhere, there was tou-san! He gave me a push up to the surface and then I could breathe! But then... when I was swimming up, I looked back down and I saw tou-san sinking underneath until I couldn't see him..."

Shintaro's breath hitched, his heart stopped, and all of the hope he had left died in his chest.

"Hmm, I don't really know why; it was a weird nightmare. I think I even saw a snake or something, but at least by that I know it was just a dream."

It felt as if his entire body was encased in ice and starting to crack, just as Momo had described the pond. He felt his hands go limp on her shoulders.  _A dream..._

"After that, though, I felt someone carry me from the water and now I'm back home here. I'm sure it was tou-san, so don't worry about my scary nightmare onii-chan! Where  _is_  tou-san anyway?"

Shintaro sank to his knees, trying and doing anything to steady himself. This wasn't happening. This was not happening. This. Was. Not. Happening.

"Onii-chan?" 

Only it  _was_  happening. He brought his hands to his temples, his chest heaving back and forth.

"Onii-chan?! What's wrong?!" Momo asked terrified, much like her brother himself had done. And now like kaa-san to him, he ignored his younger sister's cries. He understood her stoicism now. He wondered if he looked into a mirror, would his eyes look dead too?

He definitely didn't feel dead, though, only a spiraling, dark pain that only seemed to be growing. Whatever denial or shock he had tried to shield himself with had flung off, allowing the reality and despair of the situation to hit him full force. If anything, he felt more alive than he had ever before and hated it immensely.

The endless stream of tears had finally unlatched his eyes and he crumpled completely to the floor and clutched his heart, like his mother had- no, still was doing a few rooms over. Her wailing seemed to get quieter, but only because he himself was sobbing.

Momo could only stare and hug his crumpled form in hopelessness. "Onii-chan.. please, I don't understand. T-tell me... why are you and kaa-san crying?" she pleaded while starting to cry as well. "Tell me: where's tou-san?"

Shintaro shakingly looked up and blinked at her through all the water. His nose ran snottily again, the medicine and extra sleep failing within an instant. His eyes settled on Momo's confused, frightened face, locks of her hair starting to spring up again as it dried. 

 _Her hair's orange. Like his_.

With less than a shout as warning, Shintaro leaped up and tackled her, crushing his sister in a hug as he finally said what his mother's eyes had been trying to tell him the moment she walked in.

"T-tou..."

_His eyes and smile._

"...s-s-san..."

_His smile and hugs._

"...he's..."

_His red scarf that shouldn't be around my neck._

"...gone."

 _We're never_   _going to see him again._


	4. Red Stickers On A Blue Waterfall

 Momo's period of denial lasted longer than his and kaa-san's, to say the least. It was as if she hadn't heard Shintaro the first time.

 

 

 

_"Where's tou-san?"_  she would ask over their first silent, fast-food dinner, eyeing the empty fourth chair.

Kaa-san's mouth would clam up even tighter than it was already, and Shintaro was never able to fully unhinge his jaw to say the word 'gone' again, nevermind the word "dead."

_"Away, Momo. He's away."_

_"Oh, but he's coming back soon right?"_

_No, he's not._ Not that Shintaro ever said it.

For weeks and weeks later, Momo kept herself wrapped in her stubborn disbelief.  _"Tou-san's sure taking his time on this trip. I hope he brings us some nice things when he comes home. I can't wait!"_

If Momo noticed how both her brother and mother grew even more silent as she cheerfully said those words (practically to herself), she didn't show it. Even during the funeral (which was mostly done in spirit, as they were never able to find his body, no matter how many times kaa-san begged the authorities to search when spring arrived), Momo continued to cling to life before the day they both fell in the pond and only one came out again.

_"Why's everyone so sad? Tou-san's coming back home soon, you'll see! There's no need to cry; he wants us to be happy all the time. And he definitely doesn't like wearing ugly black clothes, like we are. He hates the colour black! He likes red, remember?"_

They remembered. It was hard to forget when every time you walked across the living room you would inevitably see a red scarf sitting right upon the fireplace mantle in full view.

It hurt Shintaro to look at it -  _is this my fault? When tou-san gave me the lucky scarf, did I take his luck away from him? Is that why this happened? There has to be an explanation._

It hurt their mother even more. In the first couple of weeks without their father, she could barely get through a single day without varying degrees of wet eyes, to the point that Shintaro took it upon himself to stay at her side whenever she crossed the fireplace just so he'd be ready to kneel down and pat her back should she crumple to her knees in anguish.

_Pat, pat._   _"It's okay, kaa-san." Pat. "It's okay,"_ he'd say softly as she cried, using his other hand to smudge away his own tears.

Of course, the logical thing would be to remove it, to stash it away in a small box somewhere, out of sight and out of mind. Definitely... except that even the thought of doing that hurt ten times more than looking at it.

_Wouldn't that be like removing him forever? Forgetting about him? Making it so that he's really gone?_ Shintaro would think frantically, his chest hurting so bad that he wanted to throw up. So the scarf stayed on the mantle, and was touched by no one, Momo included, and they all just found other ways of getting through the house other than the living room.

Once content and normal, their lives were now forlorn and strange. In the wake of tou-san's permanent absence, it was only natural for their money to start thinning out. In response, kaa-san took on a second job. And then a third. Shintaro finally got angry enough to put his foot down when he caught her browsing the papers for a fourth.

" _You won't be home at all anymore, you're barely home at all now... are you trying to leave us too?"_

_"...I'm sorry."_

She ended up keeping the fourth, and even though it was only a part-time job, Shintaro felt even more like a full-time failure.)

Both of the siblings were often left alone at home. Sometimes an uncle or an aunt or an older cousin from either paternal or maternal sides would come to look after them out of familial sympathy. Though more often or not no one was available. They had lives of their own too, of course.

Kisaragi-obaa had already died several years ago, so she too was very unavailable. While their father had smiled through his mother's death, Shintaro had seen the invisible tears which had been shed out of his children's view. During that time, his father's strength through their loss had made Shintaro want to become stronger as well. In the present, however, the memory only made him feel disappointed in himself and his inability to do just that.

(He hoped that wherever his father and grandmother were now, they were there together.)

It had been quite hard for them to get through their obaa-san's death in itself. Coupled with tou-san's, everything seemed completely impossible. The school counselors had suggested that some repressed memories from obaa-san's passing were returning now, which was why he was feeling so lost and hopeless and that dealing with them again might help him out now. Shintaro only ever nodded along and agreed with what they said, lying as he promised that he would take their advice.

While he truly wasn't ungrateful at all the sympathy he was receiving... honestly, he really would rather be completing math problems from a blackboard than be pulled to the guidance room nearly every class. It was much easier to keep a blank mind and not cry when mindlessly pressing pencil to paper.

If anything, Momo was the one who would benefit from counsel. It was starting to scare Shintaro, the way she would politely deny any and all attempts from the adults to lend her support. There were many times when she had more or less gleefully screamed at classmates that  _no, my tou-san's not dead, he's just away for a while, thank you so much!_  when they had tried to comfort her. She denied anyone who reached out, her delusion turning from vigorous to explosive.

It was as if no one could reach his sister anymore; nobody could cross the wall she had built. Kaa-san was hardly ever present, physically and mentally to really even be living in the same house as them, and Shintaro could barely keep his own thunderous grief and self-blame in check each day. Still, he was the big brother and hard as it might be, he still tried. Tried and failed to no surprise. Whenever he was able to force his sadness down and try to speak to her seriously about the day tou-san drowned, he was never able to get more than five words in.

"Momo about, the...  _the_   _incident_ -"

"HEY ONII-CHAN! Look at this new picture I drew! Isn't it nice? You said you liked them remember? Look LOOK  **LOOK**!"

By then his resolve usually sputtered out; he would clam up and resign himself to look at whatever drawing it was. Whether they were flowers, animals, food, (never bodies of water of any kind), they were definitely becoming more and more red-colored, almost desperately so. Shintaro made sure to swallow down the pain each time, and each time again when Momo would ask for more red crayons after rubbing her old ones to stubs.

He never declined to give them to her, though. He never refused to look at the drawings. To indulge in her every delusional desire. It was almost as if he couldn't refuse, as if his whole mind screamed at him to pay constant attention to his little sister, lest she disappear to where tou-san was. The possibility was scary enough to wake him up at night screaming, contrasted to when he simply woke up crying.

To quell this admittedly irrational fear, he gave generous amounts of attention to his sister constantly, although kaa-san did her best too whenever she had a minute to spare. It almost became obsessive in his case. It was a simple, simple routine:

He would try to help, try to confront her about everything.

She would direct the attention to something else.

His eyes would start seeing impossible things such as Momo's own eyes turning different colors.

Then his insides would start feeling twisted and sick if he wasn't looking at her.

He would then drop the topic and go along with whatever she wanted.

...

It was a strange,  _strange_  routine. Disturbing even. Almost... supernatural.

Shintaro had fallen out of his chair the first time he looked into Momo's eyes and realized that,  **yes** , yes they really  _were_  red and not just his messed up, red-centered imagination playing cruel tricks on him.

Any doctor they asked about his sister's eyes could find no answer, other than it perhaps being a defect caused by the near-drowning experience. (Kaa-san had yelled at one of them for at least an hour after they had suggested to let Momo stay with them for further testing. Shintaro yelled at them in his head as well; Momo was  _not_  going to be some scientist's little experiment.) But even Shintaro, as supportive as he tried to be, as much as he had hugged her during these awful visits to the doctors, couldn't help but wonder too.

Truly, there must be an explanation for all of this? Not just her eyes, but everything right? Why had this all happened? Why did tou-san have to die? Why did they have to go through this?

Why them? Why his sister? Why his father?

Why?

WHY?

**WHY?**

Shintaro wished he could just stop thinking about everything. Wished he could be like how tou-san was; able to smile in the wake of sadness. Wished he wasn't himself, the sad, little him who cried in the wake of sadness.

Perhaps it wasn't so concerning nor disturbing that Momo had convinced herself that nothing was wrong as long as she ignored it. It was the closest thing to tou-san they had left.

_Momo's right, maybe._

It was for this reason that he let his sister draw until the crayons snapped under her frantic fingers, let her head fill up with fragile illusions of happiness that had been lost a long time ago, and surrendered into the strange command she gave off for constant attention. Anything to keep her happy for just a little longer.

_If we keep saying that everything's fine, maybe we'll be fine too._

Yet, whenever he looked into her eyes whenever they weren't black like his and kaa-san's eyes, Shintaro remembered that it was just another way the color red, a color which should have meant luck but instead meant blood and death, had forced its way into their lives.

* * *

Happy, superficial, crumbling bubbles of delusion had to pop someday of course, no matter how hard you tried to keep them intact and afloat.

And sometimes, they popped rather destructively.

* * *

They had been going home from another bleak day at school when Shintaro had first noticed it. Momo's head drooped as they walked to the bus stop. Her shoulders sagged, and her feet weren't merrily kicking pebbles, but nearly shaking under her weight.  _What's wrong?_  Shintaro thought as he checked his watch to make sure they were still on the bus schedule. She had been bubbly this morning when he had dropped her off at her classroom, all the way to when they had played together during the last recess.

What had transpired from then to now that had upset her so? A bad grade maybe? He  _was_  beginning to slack off in their makeshift tutoring lessons, he supposed. Perhaps her teacher didn't like her latest red butterfly picture? Using only one color every time probably did get old after a while. Bullies? He hoped for Momo's classmate's sake that it wasn't the case; he could feel wrath bubbling in his veins just by thinking about it.

Or maybe it was something else. He felt his stomach drop just a bit.  _Could it be..._   _did she finally come to her senses about the incident..?_

"Onii-chan," Momo said emotionlessly just as he was about to ask the dreaded question. "Come on, the bus is here."

"Oh! Right, right, let's go." _I'll ask her the moment we get home_ , he thought as they stepped on. They picked a seat close to the front. He let Momo take the window view, and she gazed out distantly behind her bangs. Shintaro was relieved that her eyes weren't red. It seemed that Momo's weird attention-abilities weren't restricted just to their little broken family. Other people were often affected too, often to the point that the siblings had to actively seek isolated spaces just to have a moment's peace from it all. Shintaro had never been one to make trouble or stand up for himself that much, but all of the pestering Momo received from both kids and adults alike was annoying enough to make him want to throw rocks at them. It ate at him inside to think about the times where he wasn't there to help her with it.

Thankfully, this time both the bus ride and the consequent walk to their house were quiet and uneventful, Momo still strangely silent and Shintaro too wrapped in his own wonderings to try and make small talk. Walking slowly up the driveway, they entered the house without bothering to call to kaa-san. Unsurprisingly, despite her earlier promise to be home already, the car wasn't in the driveway. 

_I'll_   _have_   _to_   _make_   _dinner_   _for us again_ , Shintaro lamented.  _Wish we had some red beans left. Oh well, cup noodles it is. But first..._ "Momo, is everything alright? You seem kind of down today. Did something happen at school?" he asked while putting away his backpack and shoes. He turned around to face his-

"..."

-sobbing sister, who had hardly taken any steps into the house and had crumpled all the way down to her knees, head in her hands.

Shintaro nearly tripped over a rug as he scrambled to her side. "Something did happen! Momo please tell me what it was!"

"I-it, it was... nothin'... onii-chan," she hiccuped between her fingers.

"It was something, Momo! Please tell me so I can help you!" He urged frantically, trying to hold onto her shoulders without shaking them.

"I-I said  _nothing_ -"

" **Momo** ," Shintaro tried raising his voice just a bit like kaa-san did when she was still their normal, strict kaa-san.

It seemed to work, Momo stopped heaving and sank her watery, definitely red eyes into her brother's determined black ones. They were unneeded, though. His focus would've been on her no matter what.

"...It... it's just... before it was time to go home... another girl. She just, just  _noticed_  me even when I was trying to get outside. She started saying things about tou-san... asking mean questions..."

Her chest was wracked with another series of sobs, and Shintaro felt his hands go numb, too useless to say or do anything to comfort her. So it was a bully after all. He felt bile build in his heart.

"A-a-and then! I tried to be nice, like how you would want but she was saying so many mean things I got angry and pushed her down-!" Momo was very much yell-stuttering into her older brother's tear-soaked shirt. After countless seconds she calmed down her volume and movements, but the tears only increased flow.

"And you know what..." she squeaked out, barely above a whisper. "When I tried to say sorry, she, she...  _she_..."

She wiggled just a bit, up to Shintaro's ear.  _"She called me a monster, 'cause my eyes turned red right at that moment."_

Momo let go of him and shrunk down, her head touching the floor. Shintaro was left gaping in utter disbelief at the situation. It past quickly, though, and he started seething in anger instead.

"Listen to me Momo! You are not a monster! Sure, it was bad that you pushed her, but she also shouldn't have said those things, especially to you and about tou-san. Don't talk to her again. Tell kaa-san later. Your teacher even!"

He tried to calm himself a little; it was impossible to comfort a person in rage. Tenderly he pulled her in closer. "I'm sorry, Momo. Don't think that anything she said was true okay? Nothing she said was true or good."

"But don't you see onee-chan..." Momo's voice came out small and broken. "She's right. I  _am_  a monster."

"No, she's  **not**. I told you-"

"I'm not stupid, onee-chan. I know. I was trying so hard to pretend, b-but I know. Tou-san's not coming back. He-he's never going to."

His little sister slowly, shakily brought herself up enough to look enough to gaze up at her big brother again. Shintaro's worst fear (well second, the worst had already happened) had been fulfilled. Her eyes were free of any false hope. They were just like their mother's. Perhaps even his.

Dead and bleak and empty.

"It's because I almost drowned isn't it?" It sounded much more like a statement than a question. "It's because of that, that kaa-san's so cold now. It's why she's always away. Why she hates me now."

Horror griped Shintaro by the throat. "Y-you're wrong! Of course kaa-san still loves you. You're her daughter, she'd never hate you. She's just, well, just busier now is all. It's no one's fault at all."

Momo shook her head in despair, scattering fresh new tears. "Then why isn't she at home with us anymore!? Why are you so sad all the time too? You hate me too don't you?"

Before he could immediately say  _no_ ,  _no_ ,  _no_ ,  _no_ ,  _no!_   _I_   _could_   _never_   _hate_   _you_ , she continued, not caring that she was swallowing the salt flowing from her eyes.

"Because."  _Deep_   _breath_. She seemed to struggle to inhale. Her next words came out without a single stammer. "Because I'm the reason tou-san's dead! I killed him! Only monsters kill people! Only things like that are cursed with scary eyes! So, that must mean I'm a monster right? The monster who killed tou-san."

Everything went silent. Momo stood up, hate and disgust for herself etched into her features, ready to run outside and stay out there forever. The only thing that stopped her was her brother's ironing hold on her hand. She sniffled with pleading red orbs. "Please let go onii-chan... please let me go. You would be better off without a monster that could kill you too."

Shintaro barely registered her words. All he could think of was  _how_. How, how, how how-how could he fix this? Was this even fixable? He didn't know.

Wasn't this supposed to happen? Wasn't it good that Momo was finally expressing her grief? He still didn't know.

Kaa-san would be able to handle this (no, she wouldn't.)

Things would be okay if he said they would be okay (no, they wouldn't.)

He really had no idea what else to do (or maybe he did. But he probably didn't.)

_Tou_ - _san_ , Shintaro thought desperately.  _Tou_ - _san_   _what_   _do_   _I_   _do?_   _What_   _would_   _you_   _do?_

_I wish you were here._

_(You're not.)_

"Momo, I, I... I, uh...um I-!"

While his mouth blubbered on looking for anything to say, the corner of his eye spotted something. Something crimson.

"..."

Eyeing the red scarf still hanging on the cold, unlit fireplace, it was if a memory suddenly burst from the deepest backdoor in his mind.

_"You're our eldest child, Shin,"_  rang out the glowing, angelic voice of his father in his ear. It was as if he was right next to him. As if it really was that day when he had been six, just after he had tripped and scraped his knee. Tou-san had brought him out for ice cream to make him feel better.

_"So you have to stay strong. Take care of your sister and even us if we need it. Just try to smile always, be kind and understanding, and everything will be fine."_

_"Alright, tou-san!"_

_...alright. Alright. I'll try tou-san. I'll try to be like you, even if I'm me._

Taking in a gulp of breath, Shintaro stood up on barely strong enough legs. Facing his younger sister with a renewed strength in his eyes, he squeezed her hand and pulled her deeper into the house, shutting the door distinctly. It didn't garner too much protest from her, thankfully.

Stopping right in front of the fireplace, Shintaro decided to address their problem head-on, like he should have a long time again. "You're wrong, Momo. So wrong. Tou-san... tou-sn is dead, I know, and we can't do anything about it. We're all having a really hard time and I'm not sure if we'll ever be okay again. But never,  _never,_  ever,  **ever**  blame yourself. This was  _not_  your fault at all, so you'll never be a monster. Kaa-san and I don't hate you, not even the tiniest bit."

His face reflected in Momo's wide red orbs, her tears falling slower. He looked almost grown up.

"But, but... it was me who fell in the pond. If I hadn't, if I could have swum better, then tou-san-"

"He saved you!" Shintaro exhorted and wrapped his arms around her. "No matter what might have happened or could have happened, he saved you so you could live on and be happy, not to blame yourself. He saved you because he was our father. Because he was a hero."

Instants passed and Shintaro felt only a few droplets hit his back. He took it as a sign that it was okay to pull away. Momo turned her gaze to the scarlet muffler peering at them on top of the mantle. "A hero..." she echoed.

_Yes_ , Shintaro mused with a sad sort of smile. "That means that red is the color of a hero, you know. Not of a monster, because it was his favorite." On his toes, he pulled it down and clutched the yarn in his hands for the first time in months.

"Who knows. Maybe.. maybe that's why you have red eyes, Mo." Widening his sad smile, he passed the scarf into her own smaller hands. "Because maybe it's a gift from our father, not a curse. Maybe it's your turn to be the hero."

Momo gawked at him, less and less out of confusion and more and more out of wonder. "Really?"

"Yeah. Well, that's what I want to think at least."

She gazed down at the bright red warmth she was holding. "What about you, onii-chan? Can you be a hero as well?"

"Hmm, maybe. We won't know unless my eyes turn red, too."  _Probably_   _not, though_.

"Huh. Oh, wait! I have an idea." Before he could protest, Momo quickly looped the scarf around her brother's neck. "Now we're both heroes!"

"Uh, o-okay?" he asked uncertain and uncomfortable, his neck feeling way too familiarly scratchy all too soon. "You sure? Don't you want it more-?"

Smiling sadly as well, Momo pointed up to her face and blinked her matching set of eyes. "I already have red."

That was enough reason for him. "Alright."

The edges of her mouth inched up just a bit before she pressed her forehead into his scarf-covered neck. At last, her eyes were normal, black, and sad all over again.

"I miss him. I miss him so much. I'm sorry, Shintaro onii-chan, kaa-san, tou-san, I'm sorry."

"I know, I know. Me too, every day. I'm so sorry."

Shintaro looked down at the rose-colored yarn. It still felt wrong to wear, but maybe he would grow to tolerate the wrong feeling if it let his sister smile for real even just a little. Embraced did they stay until their mom got home. As they felt her arms cradle them both, it was one step closer to feeling whole again.

Perhaps it was just tearful imagination, but for just one moment, they each could've sworn they felt another pair of arms around them too.


	5. Folding April All Around

With a slightly lighter heart, Shintaro could also rememberwhen life began to adjust itself back together.

* * *

Little by little their family began to move again. To feel again. Dare he say, to live again.

Kaa-san began using more off time and breaks (things Shintaro had been sure she had forgotten existed) to spend time with them. Of course, she was tired during most of that time and was still latched onto her jobs as if they were lifelines. But Shintaro knew now more than ever to count the blessings they still had: any spare moment kaa-san choose to share with them instead of crying by herself was treasured.

Both he and Momo were grateful; it made eating their gradually less-bland dinners together more bearable, even if it was usually only for three or four days out of a week and the fourth chair remained unchangingly empty.

What  _had_  changed and did become empty, however, was the fireplace mantle.

Momo had insisted to Shintaro that he should never take the scarf off, even during school.

"You need some heroic red on you too, onii-chan!" She had (sloppily) muffled the scarf around her brother's neck and held a happy thumbs up.

Their mother only smiled wistfully (' _J_ _ust go along with it Shintaro'_ ) and properly re-wrapped it around her son's neck once Momo was out of sight.

Shintaro was never one to let a person down, let alone his sister, so go along with it he did. To his own bewilderment, he found that the scarf indeed had some power to it, just as his father has said.

Like magic (which he was only possibly starting to believe in due to Momo's shiny new ability), he began to feel calmer. Steadier. Not yet happy. Definitely not heroic. But... better.

So day in and day out, he spent his time at school tugging at the bittersweet strip of red, struggling to have it fit around him better while he wrote page after page of notes and essays.

It was amazing how his grades hadn't dropped in the slightest, considering all that had happened. Days after their family's little impromptu intervention, it had been his turn to stay after class to clean up the room. Whilst he was stacking up the chairs, he'd heard some teachers gossiping outside the classroom door as if he wasn't paying attention to absolutely everything around him.

"I can't believe Shintaro-kun has scored top in your class again. Seriously, how do you do it? How does  _he_  do it?"

"I have no idea, to be honest. He's always been the brightest student in the room and not even the recent, eh, event in his family has seemed to faze him in the slightest. In fact, if I didn't know any better, I might even say that his focus seems to have improved!"

"That's incredible. Wish we had more students like him, our school's reputation would probably skyrocket. Just imagine all the bonuses we'd receive!"

"That's the dream, isn't it now. Well, the only problematic thing I can think of would have to be that scarf he's been toting around lately. It might not be the healthiest thing for him right now... but really, if he's only becoming an even better student there's not really any need to worry."

"Y'know I'm gonna sound like an awful person for saying this, but with all things considered, at least there were some positives to come out of Kisaragi-san kicking the bucket so soon-"

By then Shintaro had opened the door and announced that he was finished cleaning. "See you next week, sensei." Hurrying past the two startled adults, twin red tails fluttering behind him, he wondered if they would notice the last few chairs he had 'forgotten' to stack.  _Maybe I'll fail the science quiz next week, maybe the English test too,_  Shintaro mused just a smidge angrily, although it only took one thought of kaa-san's stern face for him to know that he wouldn't go through with it. Regardless, he didn't have such a high respect for the teachers anymore and would definitely find some way to communicate it to them fully.

Somehow it took less work to get the other children to understand.

"Hey, Kisaragi! What's with the scarf?" they had jeered and pointed earlier that same day, a full week after he had started wearing it. He had looked up blankly from sharpening his pencils.

"Hmm?"

"You look lame. You think it's Hallowe'en or something?" They had laughed, shrilly and loudly. Annoyingly.

"No," he said honestly.

"Then why are you wearing it? It's getting too warm for scarves." They had sounded irritated. Shintaro had  _felt_  irritated. He really hadn't wanted to have to explain this.

 _"_ It belonged to my father."

"Huh? Oh... oh."

That had been the end of  _that_ ; no more questions were asked of him. Perhaps his classmates weren't so cruel after all. Definitely better than that girl from Momo's class. He had taken care of that problem too, though.

"Onii-chan! Onii-chan!" Momo had come running to him after he had put on his coat after his half-hearted cleaning and was beginning to walk to her classroom.

"Momo, what happened? I thought I was the one coming to pick you up from class today." Her eyes were normal and coal-colored which left Shintaro grateful; she wouldn't be coming over with her growing litter of new friends.

She could hardly contain her jubilation. "You were right, onii-chan! Like you're right about everything! This power isn't a curse; it's a gift!" Momo skipped around her older brother, making him dizzy.

"Sensei used to ignore me in class before, but now she's always praising my work and calling me up to talk. All the kids are being nice to me. Everyone wants to be my friend!" Her voice soared with glee. "You remember the girl who called me a monster before? She told me my eyes were  _pretty_  today, while I was using my power!"

"Really? I'm glad." He wasn't surprised either; for all his normal stoicism, he could be good with words and persuasion when he needed to be. The little talk he had had with the bratty girl had gotten through after all. He smiled softly and ruffled Momo's bangs. "She's right too."

His little sister laughed and swatted him before a look of remembrance struck her features. She reached behind her and swiped something out of her backpack. "And that's not even the best part; look!"

A piece of paper was then trusted up to his face. Shintaro read it quickly. "...you won your class's art competition?"

"Mmmhmm!" Momo bobbed her head up and down. "It was the picture of the red butterfly I made last week. Sensei and the whole class loved it. They're even going to write an article about it and put a picture of me in the next newspaper."

Shintaro's eyes lit up with astonishment, then pride. "This is amazing, Momo. Congratulations! I'm sure kaa-san will be proud." His steps began to mirror his younger sister's cheerful skip as they continued their trek out of the school.

Momo tilted her head. "Yeah..." However, her smile steadily shrunk down and her steps came to a halt.

"Do you- do you think that, maybe, if tou-san was here... he'd be proud too?"

Shintaro blinked twice. He reached out and clutched her hand firmly, even if it was only to distract her from the shake in his voice. "Yes. Definitely."

"Mmm..." She eyed the scarf hanging loosely around on her brother. He wondered if she was going to cry into it like last time. Just to be safe, he untied it around his neck and bundled it around hers. "It's your turn to wear it after making such a good drawing."

Her smile returned subtly. "Thanks, onii-chan." He sighed in relief when her grin came back fully and loudly.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go home and show kaa-san my certificate!" She ran up ahead of him, scarf flapping behind her like a cape as she laughed out of the school doors. "You better watch out onii-chan! It's not all just gonna be about your perfect tests anymore. I'm gonna steal all the spotlight from you, you just watch!"

"We'll see about that!" he called to her as huffed and puffed trying to catch up, his own stamina becoming his enemy.

Once on board, they easily claimed the front seats of the completely empty bus, which made sense since they were the last ones out of school. Momo swung her legs up and down, humming a little tune.

"Hey, onii-chan? Are we going to do more 'secret power training' later?"

"Maybe not today, but tomorrow for sure. We'll have more time because of the weekend." Shintaro smoothed away a piece of loose hair on Momo's head, her side ponytail starting to slip off.

"Okay. More walking through crowds and seeing how many people notice me right?"

"That's the plan," his voice was muffled as he held her scrunchy in his mouth, then re-tying it in a swift move. "We'll try a bigger crowd this time."

"Uhn! I can't wait!" Her newly redone side tail fluttered up and down as she nodded. "I've been thinking though, onii-chan. Since we're an incredible, totally unstoppable duo, we need a super cool hero duo name right?"

Shintaro paused to entertain the idea, "Ah, I guess?" and brought a thoughtful look unto his features.

"Of course we do! We'll be heroes like you said! Oh  _oh_ , we'll be just like the heroes who fight bad guys on t.v.!" Momo began to gush over her own shounen-like fantasies. "We'll be called the- we'll be called the... uh, what should we be called?"

"Hah? It's your idea and you don't know?" Shintaro asked incredulously, which Momo answered with a mild flush. "Hmm, let's see..."

He pounded on his supposedly genius mind for a name. "Well, we're trying to help you control your power... to stop people from noticing you when you don't want them to..."

Shintaro pounded again and thought deeper. "In a sense, it's sort of like we're, trying to...  _blindfold_  people..."

More pounding.

_Blindfold._

Hmm...

Shintaro snapped his fingers. "I've got it! How about 'Mekakushi'?"

"Meka...ruchi?" Momo played with the word on her tongue.

"It's mekakushi, actually," her brother tried to correct.

"Mekakana..."

"No Momo, mekaku-"

"It's PERFECT!" Momo announced in a voice that startled the bus driver a little. "From now on we're the Mekameka Duo!"

"You mean the  _Mekakushi_ Duo," Shintaro sighed and brought a finger to his lips to remind her to be polite and quiet.

Momo complied and disguised her shouts as whispers. "We start our official training and missions as a secret duo tomorrow. We'll almost be like spies or secret agents! Ahhhhh, it kinda sounds like a movie, don't you think? 'Releasing in 2200! The hair-raising story of the Mekakushi Duo going out to secretly save the city of uh, of-oh! To save  _Mekakucity_ from great peri!"

"Momo, that isn't what our city is called."

"Whatever, whatever it doesn't matter! All that matters is it how fun it'll be. How does it sound, onii-chan?"

"I guess it sounds like it could be a little fun, Mo- ah, agent Kisaragi Momo."

"I knew you'd be into it! You're the best onii-chan. Always have been!" Momo's face dipped into a satisfied smile and Shintaro instinctively mirrored her.

Even though walking around all day in the still relatively cold spring air was far from what he would normally prefer to do, it might as well have been his favorite thing in the world if it helped Momo out in any way.

Shintaro gazed out the seat window while simultaneously listening to Momo's new chatterings.

The snow on the ground outside was lessening, no doubt by the slightly increasing April warmth.

April... he'd be nine years old soon, and then ten, then eleven, and on and on it would go.

Shintaro peered further.

The setting sun looked beautiful. Calm. Orange.

_This..._

This was alright. Things were okay. And one day soon, maybe they'd be happy again. As long as they all tried to stay together, through sorrow and delight. Through it all.

Shintaro closed his eyes. Hmph. As hopeful as that sounded, he guessed in the end, it was really only a theory.

_One that I'll practice over and over and over again, no matter how many times it takes to make it real..._


	6. Stepping Into The New Mornings

_A few years later._

_Momo: 10_

_Shintaro: 11 (very soon to be 12)_

* * *

"HAAAH! WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE!  _WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE!"_

"Momo dear, calm down. We're not going to be late."

"I'm almost done getting ready Momo! We'll be on time so don't worry and just eat your breakfast," Shintaro called as he zipped around the house, putting various things into his bag while simultaneously pulling his uniform on.

"That'll take too much time!" Momo said frantically, hopping up and down. "We have to be there early; don't you remember that it's nii-chan's entrance ceremony?"

"Believe me, sweetie, no one knows that more than I do and- wait." Her mother stopped herself mid-coffee-sip. "'Nii-chan?' Where did that come from? Just yesterday you were calling him 'onii-chan'."

Shintaro paused his desperate search for his missing shoe to give his sister an equal look of perplexion.  _Nii-chan...?_

"Ah well, he's going to middle school now. He's almost all grown up - so I have to call him by a different, cooler title!" She nodded proudly, satisfied with her answer. "Besides, 'nii-chan' just sounds better, don't you think?"

Their mother chuckled and sighed to herself. "Whatever you think is best is fine with me, Momo. How about you, Shintaro?"

He scratched the side of his face. "I don't mind I guess, but it'll take some time getting used to and- aha!" he exclaimed as he located his shoe under the kitchen table, not knowing how it could have gotten there but in too much of a rush to care.

"Are you all set dear?"

"I think so," he looked himself up and down after slipping his shoe on. The new black uniform he had to wear was a little uncomfortable and felt a bit too big on him, the fabric itching as he sat down with his family.

"Good, now have some breakfast. Momo as well; it's the start of your new school year too." She piled up toast onto Momo's plate. "Eat. Unless of course, you want to try Shintaro's red bean ramen."

Momo brought a hand to her nose, glaring at the ramen bowl steaming in front of her brother's chair as if it was the evilest, most ominous being in the world. "Not on my life."

Shintaro deadpanned a look. "You don't know what you're missing."

"Not. On. My. Life." She crunched on the toast and sipped some orange juice.

Shintaro slurped a noodle loudly in response. "Okay~"

Mother placed an elbow on the table and leaned with a hand on her chin. She smiled fondly as she gazed at her children. "Heh, you know, I've been blessed that Shintaro's love for red beans is the only thing you two don't get along on. Other mothers aren't as lucky."

"It's okay kaa-san, no matter how disgusting red beans are-" Momo slung an arm around Shintaro's neck and smushed her cheek into his. "-I could never hate onii- ah, nii-chan."

Shintaro's response was muffled under his sister's smothering hug. "Yeah, me too."

"Hmm. I'm glad you're both looking out for each other and that I don't have to worry as much."

"You don't have to worry at all." Momo let go of Shintaro. "We're always fine. You on the other hand..." She trailed off, a troubled look on her face as she looked at the woman.

Shintaro followed his sister's line of sight, frowning. He glanced at the dark circles under their mom's eyes, knowing exactly what Momo was hinting at. "It's true kaa-san. You should take it easy now and again. Relax a little and have some time for yourself."

Mrs. Kisaragi blinked and yawned. "Is this about my jobs again?"

Momo tiddled her thumbs. "M-maybe..."

"Yes," Shintaro confirmed. He fixed his mother a firm look. She returned it with ease; she was the one he had learned it from after all.

"Shintaro, Momo, we've been over this. I already dropped from the fourth and third one, but I'm keeping the second," she stated in an unyielding tone. "It pays good, and we need it to support ourselves since your father isn't here."

Both Kisaragi siblings faltered upon hearing the mention of him, yet didn't back down completely. "We know that. But please look at yourself kaa-san. This isn't good for you!" Momo pleaded.

"We don't mind cutting back on a few things, like snacks or school supplies," Shintaro started suggesting. "We could do more around the house. I already take care of almost half the chores, you know."

"Listen, you two-"

"Maybe we could even get jobs of our own!" Momo sprung up. "Like, like delivering newspapers or something."

"Enough-"

"But kaa-san-" they both exclaimed at the same time.

"I don't want to hear it!" Their mother finally raised her voice and brought down her coffee mug onto the table with a forceful  _thud_ , yet no liquid sloshed out. Both siblings silenced themselves immediately. "Look, I appreciate that you both care about me, I really do, but I am the mother here. It's  _my_  responsibility to provide for you two and to worry about things like money, not your's.  _Your_ responsibilities are to be good students and children. Leave everything else to me. Understood?"

She stared at them hard with her resilient-kaa-san-gaze, locking them in as if she herself had her daughter's strange captivating power. Her kids could no longer find the words to argue back.

"...yes, okaa-san," they both bowed their heads in defeat. Her face softened and she stroked their hair.

"Good, now let's get going before we actually do become late."

* * *

The entrance ceremony was going off without a hitch, Shintaro was pleased to say later.

It was taking place in the middle school's gymnasium. He and hundreds of other students were sitting down to listen to the principal's speech regarding the school's rules, curriculum, and what to look forward to during the year. In all honesty, Shintaro was beginning to zone out from how equally long and boring it was.

Trying to kill the time quicker, he surveyed the other students around him and noticed that not too many students from his elementary school were attending. Most of the faces around him were completely new and unfamiliar. While this fact might probably seem daunting and disheartening to another student, it was fine for Shintaro. For all his years as an elementary student, he had barely known anyone who he could sincerely call a friend outside of a few polite acquaintances. Still, he couldn't help but wonder if this time, maybe this time it would be different.

 _It's alright if it stays the same, though_ , he thought while unconsciously playing with the threaded ends of his scarf. No other student else was wearing one, so it was quite probable that he had already isolated himself.  _It's usually easier to keep to myself anyway._

Shintaro turned his head to the back of the gymnasium to look at his family for a second. Kaa-san seemed to be having a conversation with a woman sporting a ponytail and blue hair clips. Probably another mother; the bespectacled man next to her was probably her husband.

He swerved his gaze to Momo. She was talking... to... air...?

No wait, Shintaro squinted his eyes and realized that there was indeed a kid in the seat next to Momo, even though he had sworn it was empty just a second ago. A girl with perfectly combed silky green hair in a purple dress. Probably a younger sister of another student. She looked a lot more composed than his sister and was calmly replying to whatever chatter Momo had involved her with.

Next to the reserved looking girl was a cheerful looking blond boy and a grumpy looking black-haired one.  _Younger brothers maybe?_ Shintaro wondered if they went to Momo's school. She was already talking to the girl as if they were friends, so it didn't seem too far-fetched. He'd ask about it later.

Luckily and before he had even realized it, the principal finished his speech and announced the ceremony to be over. They all stood up, bowed and then went off to meet with their families again.

"Congratulations Shintaro: you're a middle school student." His mom gave him a proud hug as he sauntered back over.

"Woohoo, nii-chan!" Momo declared and jumped into the hug as well.

"Hrmph." Despite being crushed under the weight of his loved ones, Shintaro's chest felt content even within the colder, rigid feel of his new school. "Thanks."

"To celebrate, we're going to a nice restaurant later because kaa-san doesn't have work tonight. Hopefully, they won't have any red beans," Momo said cheekily.

Her brother exhaled, amused and exasperated. "You only wish. Ah, wait," he remembered just before he forgot. "Hey Momo, does the girl you were talking to go to your school? Don't think I've ever seen you with her or your other friends."

"Oh, you mean Tsubomi-chan? No no, we just met now. She was really nice! It's too bad she doesn't go to my school, I'd like to see her again."

"Hn, alright. I hope you will too. Shall we go?"

The three of them packed up their things and left the building feeling completely untroubled. Shintaro didn't give the shrinking school behind him a second glance. He'd be back again tomorrow after all.

* * *

Tomorrow came quite quickly, and Shintaro found himself standing under the budding cherry trees once again.

"Remember Momo, just because our schools are separate now doesn't mean you can walk home alone," he urged to his sister with a serious face. "Wait for me to come pick you up as always."

Momo tugged at her own white uniform, the blue ribbon in the front already crumpled and tangled. "Hmmph, I could walk home by myself if I wanted. I'm part of the Mekameka Duo too, remember! I'm the one who has the power, after all. I'd totally be safe."

"Like I keep telling you, the word is 'mekakushi.' And  _Momo_."

"But I'll walk with nii-chan anyway," she sighed into a smile, which soon cheeked into a smirk. "After all, he's the weaker one who might actually need protecting."

"H-hey, I'm not so weak!" he protested.

"You worry too much too; maybe I should call you ' _kaa-chan_ ' instead?"

" _Momo!"_

Their real mother stood a few steps away laughing quietly into her hand at their interaction, while also rubbing her eyes for any tears that dared to fall from the sight of her children growing up right before her eyes. Glancing at her watch she called out, "Alright you two! You've had time to chat but now it's time for Momo to go to school as well."

"Coming!" Momo hollered back. "Have a fun on the first day okay nii-chan? Make lots of friends and be the top of your class like always."

"I'll try." _The latter part will be easier than the first part, though,_ he thought just a bit nervously. "Don't forget about yourself; I want to see more marks above sixty-five percent this year-" he poked her playfully in the forehead, "-we'll see about me making friends after that. Okay?"

"Kay! See you nii-chan!" With one last kiss to his forehead and a ruffle to his scarf, she waved as she skipped back to their waiting mom. "I'll wait for you later! Bye!"

"Goodbye." Shintaro didn't stop waving to both of them until they had left the school grounds and could no longer be seen. With no more reason to stay outside, he went into the school with a slightly lonely heart.

His assigned classroom was easy enough to find. A good number of students had already seated themselves. Shintaro looked the rows up and down to see if there were any seats he would prefer.

 _Aha._  He spotted one near a window, the very last one left that overlooked the whole schoolyard. He put a bit more speed into his steps when walking over and plunking his bag onto the desk.

 _I'm lucky,_  thinking as he sat down on the chair,  _I'll be able to see the cherry blossoms in full bloom later._ He flushed a little bit at his thoughts; could that have  _been_  any more shoujo? He had enough manga of that at home, there was no need to bring it here. Slightly smacking his forehead, he didn't hear the soft pitter-pattering steps coming over to his newly claimed desk.

 _"Hmm..."_  came a voice which Shintaro  _did_  hear,

Looking up to see the person who had walked over to him, he found himself suddenly staring into clear, brown eyes mimicking the color of acorns or chocolate. Zooming out from the eyes, he realized that he was really staring at a girl. Obviously not any younger or older than himself, she was wearing a tidy black girl's uniform that countered his own. She had long hair that matched her eyes, a strip of fringe in the front being held together with two blue, crisscrossing hairclips which immediately reminded him of the woman kaa-san had conversed with yesterday. (Her mother perhaps?)

"Uh," he started saying, his voice coming out weird and suddenly unlike him. "Hello?"

She didn't respond, only peered down at him and looked to be thinking deeply. About what, he couldn't tell. Her eyes held a glassy, tranquil quality to them and didn't betray any outward emotion. As Shintaro looked into them and at her for longer and longer, he began to feel his temperature increase a few degrees. Wow, she was... kinda pretty, he was suddenly deducing.

"H-hey, ah..?"

"..." She tilted her head, brown locks shifting on her shoulders, eyes centering on him further. Shintaro blinked back stupidly at his own reflection in her eyes. Wide-eyed and tight-chested, he started to stutter even more. "I... um, I-I..."

 _Okay, maybe it wasn't just "kinda" pretty but actually "_ really"  _pretty,_ he was now thinking, hands clamming and sweating, a few degrees warmer turning into many degrees warmer. Definitely really pretty... really pretty and looking rather cross and disappointed. As he took an even closer glance, Shintaro finally noticed the annoyed crease in her forehead as she looked him up and down. Or perhaps she was looking his  _seat_  up and down.

It (rather embarrassingly) took Shintaro a few moments for his brain to click everything into place. "...oh. Oh! D-did you want this seat? I'm sorry for cutting ahead of you." Embarrassed, he started to gather his things. "I'll move if you want-"

"Stop... it's fine." Her voice was very soft-sounding (angelic almost), even as she cut between his sentence. Averting her eyes from Shintaro, she turned over to the seat right next to him. "I'll sit over here."

"Are, are you sure?" He couldn't help his voice sounding very unconfident - despite his personal deposition on befriending people, Shintaro didn't want his first classmate interaction to be left so humiliating.

The un-named girl once again didn't respond, simply nodding her head in one smooth motion. It only left Shintaro feeling more worried and uncertain, but he could find nothing more to add to their (barely a) conversation without escalating the already present awkwardness.

It was probably for the best anyway, because their teacher was soon walking into the classroom. Most of the students in the class had arrived, save for the unlucky few who had probably slept in late. As introductions were being given out and attendance began to be taken, Shintaro couldn't help but steal a few glances at the quiet, pretty girl next to him, preparing himself to look away if she were to glance back. She didn't, not even once, much to his strange disappointment. Without any warning, his mind began to wander.

 _Should I... ask for her name? That would be normal, wouldn't it? Just for the sake of asking. Maybe I could also ask what elementary school she came from? What books she likes and other things like that? That should be okay, just random things to know._   _Something normal people do with other normal people... right?_ _Agh, thinking about this probably isn't normal, though. What's wrong with me..._

"Kisaragi Shintaro."

_Still, I wonder what kind of person she is. Even if she doesn't look like it, maybe she's really nice and swee-_

" _Kisaragi Shintaro_."

Shintaro was jolted out of his thoughts and also out of his seat; he stood up sharply from his desk in a daze. "Wha-? Ah! P-present!"  _Crap,_  he hadn't heard his teacher's prompt at all, how completely mortifying. Bowing shakily, he tried to bite back the stutter as he heard the inevitable snickers from the class, although thankfully it was fewer than he expected. He couldn't bring himself to peek out and see if the mystery girl he had been so preoccupied with was laughing among them too.

"Please pay more attention next time, Kisaragi-kun."

"Yes." Shintaro felt like crawling back home and never coming out again. Sitting back down, it took all of his willpower not to hide his flushed face in his similarly colored muffler. The teacher moving on sounded like heaven to his ears.

"Miki Miyuki."

"Present."

"Namina Tsugumi."

"Present!"

"Tateyama Ayano."

"..."

" _Tateyama Ayano."_

"...present..."

Shintaro had to really strain himself to hear the person's answer. Looking at the strange girl once again, had it come from her? It sounded like it...

"Ah, would you mind speaking up a bit more, Tateyama-chan?"

"...I said 'I'm present,'" the voice rang out a bit clearer, most definitely coming from her. He noticed her feet tapping the floor and hands rubbing themselves nervously. She looked very uncomfortable right then, more than he had been feeling. Shintaro consciously stilled his hand, lest it fly out to comfort her as he would do with Momo.

"Good, but please be louder next time. Now moving on..."

"Y-yes..."

"Good. Well then, moving on. Tsuru Sakura..."

Shintaro didn't hear the next student's 'present' - he was already zoning out again, his normally well-reined in thoughts spiraling away from him. No longer under the threat of attendance, he let his eyes remain on her, Tateyama Ayano, as it seemed to be. To his surprise (and confounding delight) she did look back at him, although only to downcast them a mere second later.

 _Maybe she is just shy after all._ _Tateyama Ayano..._ he pressed the name to his tongue and stored it away carefully in his memory, the same way he had memorized all the other names their teacher had called out. Well, almost the same. For some reason, this felt a whole lot different than merely going through the motions of remembering a random name or a simple test answer. It felt weird and somehow special, leaving a fuzzy, warm feeling inside.

 _Hmm,_ he glanced away from the intriguing girl named Ayano and looked at his hands, noting their tingly warmth. Was this what wanting to be someone's friend was like? He hadn't felt something, anything like this before, so it was hard to tell for sure.  _It could be that, or maybe...?_

Suddenly,  **every single**  shoujo manga he had ever read came bursting through his mind, yelling at him the most obvious answer to what this feeling could be. Immediately his face went ablaze, burning redder than his scarf. He clamped his hands over his face before anyone could notice, especially Ayano.  _I-it's too soon to tell if it's... that, just yet,_ he quelled himself.  _There's no room for embarrassing stuff at school, remember?_ For now, he would label this feeling as just a puzzle, a mystery. One he actually felt excited to try and solve.

A small smile forming under his hands, the new feeling buzzed in his chest all through the rest of the introductory class.

It buzzed through him as the teacher handed out first-day assignments - pieces of cake for him, although he felt pity when he saw Ayano pale as she was given them, her fingers fiddling with the paper's edges unhappily.

Throughout lunch as well, it was there - he ate alone at his desk, not having enough interest to join his other classmates (who were making new groups and cliques among themselves at a scarily fast pace, one he knew he wouldn't be able to keep up with, he noted melancholily) or enough courage to say anything to Ayano, despite her also eating alone just a step away from him, his heart thumping in time to the skittish tapping of her foot.

All the way throughout the last few hours until it was time to leave, it was there. It was still with him once the bell rang, signaling the end of his first middle school day. Shintaro scratched his arm and raked his brain for ideas on how to quell this feeling...

...talking to her maybe?

Shintaro was pretty sure the one other small interaction they had had after lunch-

 _"You're staring. It's creepy,"_  she had accused when he had accidentally eased on making his glances unnoticeable.

_"S-sorry..."_

-didn't count as an actual proper conversation.

Ultimately, he guessed that it wouldn't hurt to try. Just to get more acquainted with a fellow classmate who seemed to have a personality similar to his own. Yeah, that was all. Now, all he had to do was find her.

She had already left the classroom before he had even gotten up to say goodbye to the teacher, so Shintaro made sure to keep his eyes sharp when walking out of the school. Once outside and still seeing no sign of her, his spirits began to sag.  _Maybe she already left for home, I'll have to wait for tomorrow... aha!_ he thought with triumph, managing to finally spot her unmistakable blue clips amid the lessening students just as he was about to step past the school entrances. It seemed that she had taken no notice of him yet.

With a growing grin and a reversed step, he began to call out, "A-ano, Tateyama-san, may I speak with you for just a moment-"

"Otou-san! Over here!"

All of Shintaro's movements froze as he saw her scurry up to a tall man across the schoolyard. It was the man who had been sitting next to the woman (her mother after all!) from yesterday. He was wearing glasses, some stubble and a warm smile of his own.

Her father, Shintaro knew at once.

"How was your first day, Ayano?"

"Ahh... it was alright, I suppose."

"Haha, not 'great' or 'amazing'? No 'wow, yoohoo' for me?"

"...b-banzai?"

"Awesome! How about your teachers? Any nice classmates?"

"I-I guess. I sorta spoke to the person next to me.."

"That's good news. Did you have a lot of fun?"

"Uh..."

"Heh, okay. I'm just glad you had the bravery to come today. I'm proud of you, Ayano."

"Thanks."

"..."

Shintaro felt the hand he had raised up fall back to his side as his heart ached and he saw her wrap the man in a hug.

 _Her_ father. _.. this was a stupid idea_ , he thought shakily, his chest thumping out of pain now, not with butterflies. Why had he wanted to talk with her in the first place? What a waste of time. Momo was waiting for him to pick her up anyway. He began to turn back to the way out, ~~eager~~   _desperate_  to avoid the familiar, all-consuming feeling of grief that, just a few moments ago, he had been certain that he was over by now. Right until-

"Haha! That's so funny, otou-san!"

Shintaro snapped back, eyes wide. Even though he knew who had spoken, his mind still felt a deep surprise. The voice just then had had such a happy tone to it... surely it couldn't have been Ayano?

"Let's tell okaa-san later."

But it was. Her smile stretched from ear to ear effortlessly at whatever joke her dad had said to her, her eyes alight and glowing in the sun. Shintaro could only look on, his gaze broadening in wonder.

Compared to the withdrawn, reserved, almost hostile girl from earlier, who was this bright and laughing new one? Had Ayano switched with her when he had blinked? Whoever this person was, it was as if the heavens themselves were shining through her smile and playing symphonies through her laugh.

Awestruck in place, Shintaro didn't move his feet nor his eyes until the father and daughter pair was out of sight amongst the blowing cherry blossom trees.

(Maybe there  _was_  room for those types of things at school.)

Red scarf dancing around him in the wind, he was one of the last students there. Momo would definitely complain and ask for something to make up for it when he came late. For perhaps the first time, Shintaro didn't mind or even give a second thought to it.

"Huh," he remarked, his own ear-to-ear smile beginning to pull together. He would talk to Ayano for sure tomorrow. Shintaro didn't care if he had to wait.

Because even then, he didn't think he'd forget such a pretty smile.


	7. Running With The New Rains

_Two Years Later_

_Momo: 12_

_Shintaro: 14_

* * *

"Alright then! You know the drill; we open our eyes on one... two... three..."

"Just get on with it Shintaro."

"Haha, okay okay... now!"

The word still ringing in the air, both students opened their eyes to the bright white sheets of paper nestled in their hands. Their teacher had handed their marks back to them as the school day had ended. While most of their class had flown out running once the bell had rung, the two of them had stayed behind to see how each of their math grades had improved (or declined) together.

Shintaro's test, much to his delight, although not to his surprise, had been imprinted with yet another bright red 100%, the perfect shiny numbers gleaming at him from the top of the page.

"So?" He heard the soft, blunt voice from the girl sitting at his desk as well. "What did you get?"

With a humble, bashful sort of tone, Shintaro answered, "The same," without looking away from his paper.  _Why do they make these tests so easy?_  he kept thinking with a laugh.

"Of course," the girl next to him mumbled. "You're you, after all."

"Ahh, yeah..." Shintaro squashed down the urge to apologize and put down his test. He glanced over to his deskmate, hoping that maybe one of the rare, glowing smiles he loved so much would be peeking through her usual stoic mask.

"So what did you get-"

His spirits dropped when he saw that Ayano was far from smiling, and instead was positively glowering at the crunching paper in her hands. Oh dear, what was it this time...

"Aha, can I see...?" He tried to step carefully with his words, tentatively reaching for her test. Wordlessly, Ayano flung it right out of her hands in his direction, seeming to want to get it out of her sight as soon as possible.

Being his clumsy self, Shintaro almost didn't catch it. "Oh come on, don't be like that Ayano," he tried to persuade as he smoothed the paper over to its front. "It couldn't have been that bad, right-"

Shintaro paled once he saw it: a big black  **51%**  glaring at him from on top of the paper, the ugly color clashing on white terribly. Oh wow. Wow wow wow, it  _was_  that bad; almost a full ten marks below her last math grade. Shintaro grasped at straws as he tried to think of some, _any_  positive words.

"...um, at least it's not a 50?"

" _Ugh_ ," Ayano grumbled and slammed her face into her desk. "Just say it like it is; I'm the stupidest person alive."

Shintaro was quick to reach out and pat her head comfortingly, evading the hands she sent to swipe him away. "You aren't."

"I am," she insisted stubbornly, the sulky words coming out muffled as she pushed her face further into the wood.

" _Not_. There are dozens of people who struggle even more than you do."

More muted out cynical comments. "Like who?"

"Well, there's my sister, for example. You know she isn't the best at academics either."

Ayano flipped her head to the side to face him sideways, frown morphing into a semi-smirk, sending a warm shudder up Shintaro's spine. "No kidding. I know she's still in elementary school, but it's shocking that a direct relative of the great Kisaragi Shintaro could get even worse grades than me."

His reaction was immediate and indignant.  _Maybe I shouldn't have told her all those stories._ "Hey. Momo does her best and I've been tutoring her - she's been improving a lot lately. So I'll tell you what I tell her: you just need to s _tudy more and do your homework_." He flicked her on the forehead lightly.

Ayano's straightened up and threw a beam of irritation from deep within her spirit. "I  _do_  study and do my homework!"

 _"Really?_ "

An eraser was clumsily flung in his direction. It missed him completely. "Don't sound so surprised! Contrary to what you may think, I do try my best as well."

"Okay, okay!" Shintaro tried to calm her, holding out a hand of surrender as his other one picked up the eraser off of the floor. "I believe you. I guess I'm partial to blame as well, I should have helped you study for this one more. I'm sorry. I'll try to find some extra time."

"Don't bother." Ayano's sour expression molded into a forlorn one. "And don't blame yourself for things that aren't your fault. It wouldn't have done any good. Not even a genius like you can help a dummy like me."

Shintaro deflated. "Stop saying that Ayano, you're not dumb. You just need different ways to learn is all. Have you asked for any more extra help from the teacher?"

"Yeah, for the last science test, but again it didn't do anything. You remember; I barely managed a 65%."

"It wasn't  _that_ bad. If you had asked for help on this one, it could have turned out better."

"You don't know that."

"I-I know, but-"

"Face it Shintaro," she cut in, "I just can't remember any of the information when it comes down to write these things. Not everyone has a perfect memory and an IQ of 168 like you."

Any words he had left fell off of Shintaro's tongue, and his eyes slipped to the floor. He wondered if Ayano had meant the biting infliction on her last sentence, or if her words had just lashed out of her without consent, like many of her other more insensitive comments. Either way, Shintaro had no more answers to try and help the situation and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

As Shintaro's silence flowed on for a few more seconds, Ayano sighed. "It just can't be helped I guess."

She plucked her test back to her side of his desk, keeping the sullen expression on her features as she started to fold the paper. He watched as she struggled with making the wings of what was supposed to be an origami crane, looking more and more frustrated as the paper became more and more crumpled under her tense fingers.

"You're folding it the wrong way again," Shintaro couldn't help but exhale in amusement _. "_ Give it to me for a second?"

After a moment of continuing to stare daggers at the raggedy little paper bird, Ayano simply slumped back and nodded. Blessed with permission, Shintaro picked up the crooked tiny thing with the utmost care. Within only a few seconds he had smoothed out all of its creases, twisting and refolding until it was proudly sitting upright on the desk, it's neck showcasing the dark grade like a necklace.

"Ta-da," Shintaro chuckled a little, his heart fluttering when he saw Ayano's face pout cutely as she poked at the newly formed creation. Lifting it up into the sunlight pouring from the window next to them (although it was fading fast as rain clouds began to form in the distance), Ayano gave it a little twirl, almost as if she was making it flap its wings and fly.

She let out a peeved murmur. "See? As always you're even better at making cranes than me. Show-off."

Her comment didn't sting Shintaro this time; he peered through her mask and saw the tiny smile underneath. His insides felt like they were glowing as he watched her reach for his own test, surely to remake it as another awkward, but adorable crane, in which he would then remake it to perfection.

This routine was nothing new, it had been going on ever since Ayano had received her first truly terrible grade back in their first middle school year.

He still remembered that day - the one where he had first seen her angry expression as she stared down the 49% mapping that first history test. Wanting to make her feel better the only way he knew how, Shintaro had taken his own test (100%, what a surprise) and had ripped it up. It was what he usually did with Momo and to his defense, he honestly thought that it was a good enough idea to do it with other people as well. Or at least right until Ayano took one look at the torn up test pieces and then called him an 'idiotic paper-waster.'

 _Just give it to me if you're going to destroy it, moron,_  she had spat before turning her own test into a broken crane. He had been so embarrassed (and was feeling embarrassed right now just remembering it) that it had taken a lot of apologetic pleading to get her to let him fix it. From that moment on, he swore that he would do her crane-making-technique with Momo every time she had a bad grade. Honestly, it was a much better technique than just 'ripping it to shreds,  _idiot._ '

Cringing the memory away, Shintaro asked, "Tell me again, why do you make these cranes?" while leaning his head on one hand, unable to help his gaze from turning a bit more affectionate than usual. Good thing Ayano was too engrossed with making her origami to notice it; she would have called him a creep for sure.

"Hmm? Is the all remembering Kisaragi-kun actually forgetting something? I'm shocked," Ayano snarked back, without lifting her eyes or hands from the paper. "As I told you before, it's because there's nothing better to do with these worthless things." Despite her words, her mood seemed to be put back at ease, Shintaro was glad to see.

"And as I've told  _you_ , don't say that," he chastised her lightly, blowing a puff of air into her face to mess up her bangs a little. Flustered, Ayano flicked the new, equally crookedly shaped crane at him as she fixed her hair, while he himself laughed.

Soon enough, there was a second flawless paper crane sitting next to the first one, only this time, it's necklace was inked in the color of madder red, same as the scarf around Shintaro's neck and the crisscrossed clips in Ayano's hair (they had been blue for up until a year ago. She had switched the color to red one day without notice. Shintaro had vague plans to ask about it in the near future.)

The origami birds made a cute pair, he mused, and as per tradition he would take the one made from Ayano's test home and she would take his. He didn't know what Ayano did with the ones she took, but the highest shelf in his room was almost completely full of cranes and at this rate, he would have to clear out the shelf underneath soon.

Glancing outside the window next to him, Shintaro's eyes dotted the faraway storm clouds. He did a few quick calculations in his mind-space on how long it would take for them to roll over and start pouring. Hmm, ten minutes? Maybe five?

Whichever it was, he should probably be heading over to Momo's school to pick her up. Grabbing the red umbrella propped on his desk, he decided to ask Ayano if she wanted to walk out of the school together (it was the closest to actually walking home with her that he had - Ayano lived in the complete opposite direction of his house.)

However, before he could even get two words of the question out, his pocket began to buzz frantically, sounding quite desperate to be heard.

_-rrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnngggggggggg-_

Both he and Ayano yelped in surprise, Shintaro nearly dropping his phone as he fumbled it out of his pocket. He didn't recognize the caller ID and it took a few seconds to break out of his surprised daze.  _Ayano, Momo and kaa_ _-san are the only ones who call me usually, who could this be?_

"Who is it?" Ayano asked candidly as per usual.

"I don't know. Just give me a second." Pressing the screen to his cheek, Shintaro answered with as much confidence that he could muster. "Um, hello?"

"Hello?" an unfamiliar voice answered him. A man's voice, tainted with an official and foreboding tone that made Shintaro feel uncomfortable. "Is this Kisaragi Shintaro?"

"Y-yes." Confusion only added to his unease as he tried to figure out the reason this strange man could be calling him, beginning to wonder if he had made a mistake of even responding.

The man on the other end gave out a small sigh and paused as if he was rubbing his temples. "I'm sorry to be the bringer of bad news son, but I have something quite urgent to tell you."

Shintaro squeezed the phone to his ear tighter, a sense of dread beginning to waft itself into his body from the outside. "Alright, please continue."

"Well then, you see..."

* * *

The thunderclouds above him crashed and banged and screamed with noise, only pushing more frenzy and willpower into his clumsy sprint through the rain.  _Just a little more, I have to get there fast, don't waste any time, this can't wait at all...!_

 _...I really am trash for skipping out on Ayano like that,_ Shintaro lamented miserably as rain pelted down on his umbrella. His exit had been quite the show.

 _"I have to go!"_  he had all but yelled as soon as the man had no more words for him and hung up. Gracelessly grabbing everything that he owned except for his half of the crane pair ( _I'll get it from Ayano tomorrow,_ he promised himself in regret.  _Well, assuming I even come to school tomorrow_ ), he had dashed and more or less tripped out of the classroom without even sparing a glance back at her, guiltily ignoring her call after him.

_"S-Shintaro!"_

_I'm sorry,_  he had thought all the way out of the school and into the rain. It was blasting down on him full force, soaking him to the point where there wasn't any real point of opening his umbrella. Shintaro found himself caring less and less about his own freezing skin and aching chest, the singular goal of  _get to the elementary school_  blazing out everything else in his brain.

 _Momo doesn't have a phone yet, but that doesn't mean they couldn't have just contacted the school and told her through them,_  Shintaro thought grimly. Puddles splashed up high as he pounded through them, her school right in view and coming closer by the second. It was doubtful that many other students were there; most of them had probably left before the storm hit.

Reaching and scanning the schoolyard viciously, Shintaro only skidded his burning legs to a stop once he spotted a familiar head of orange hair, who in turn got up from her seat on the bench she usually waited on upon seeing him crash through the gates out of breath.

Taut hands gripping the grey umbrella above her, he couldn't see his sister's eyes as she scurried over to him. "Nii-chan..."

The corners of an unsteady, fake smile were already forming as he met her in the middle. "S-sorry I'm late Momo, it rained harsher than I expected, haha. So uh, how was your day-"

"Nii-chan, is it true? What the man from the hospital said on the phone?"

Shintaro's smile fell instantly and so did his stomach. So they  _did_  already contact her...

"He said that kaa-san collapsed at work today, so they took her to the hospital and now she has to stay there." Tremors were erupting through Momo's voice and the umbrella above her shook. "He said that an illness they thought was cured came back, and if she keeps working like she does, she could die..."

Momo's eyes were no longer hidden, red not from her power but from the tears that were falling straight down from them and mixing in with the rainwater below.

The very few students who were leaving the school walked past them, although they stared in concern. Momo's power was unneeded; her voice was loud enough to draw attention."Is kaa-san going to die? Is she going to leave us like he did? Is this our fault? Is this  _my_  fault? Because I'm too hard to take care of?  _Nii-chan!"_

It was Shintaro's turn to hide behind his hair, his body frozen limp and stiff, his mouth frozen into a miserable frown. He hadn't wanted Momo to have to hear the news alone, but now it was too late. Voice pathetically locked in his throat, he stood rigidly in place and shrunk into himself as Momo eyes bled rivers down her cheeks. Emotions evaporated off of their skin until the despair wallowing inside their hearts completely surrounded them.

"F-first obaa-san, then tou-san, and now..."

Suddenly, Momo's umbrella was thrown to the ground quite roughly. "I'm so sick of this! Haven't we suffered enough?!" She shouted as her hair and clothes grew soggy from the violently pelting droplets. "I thought we finally had a chance to be happy after tou-san died."

Lightning flashed across the clouds as if to imitate her anger and desolation at the world. Shintaro felt like he would be blown away from her voice, the only thing keeping him grounded being his complete understanding of her sadness.

"So why... why is this happening?" Momo's voice lost its sharp edge and her hands flew up to clutch her face as more whimpers tumbled out of her. "Why is kaa-san dying too? Why is everyone leaving?"

She brought her hands down and the way she looked so small and helpless in the rain only broke Shintaro's heart further.

"Are... are you going to leave next as well...?"

Blinking in shock and surprise, Shintaro felt his lungs unlock and his body unfreeze from its paralysis. Disregarding his umbrella in a similar manner as she had, the soaking scarf around him whipped in the wind as he bolted forward, entrapping his trembling younger sister in a hug. He held on as unmoveable and unbreakable as he could, desperate to keep them both in one piece before they fell apart completely.

"No! I won't leave you, I promise. Don't ever think that." He felt thin, quivering arms return his hug and a cheek fall onto the wet black uniform on his shoulder. "I'm going to stay with you forever."

Sniffling his words back up, he watched as his own tears began dripping onto the pavement below.

"It's okay. Everything's going to be okay. I'm the big brother, s-so I'll take care of us both.  _It's going to be okay."_

Did he really believe this? Not really, but there was nothing else he could do but stand there and just  _be there_  as he listened to Momo's weeping turn to wailing.

The rain kept flooding from up above and didn't stop, almost as if it had turned into a falling ocean: fully prepared and ready to drown out their souls.

* * *

The rest of the day had been a very stressful blur. The two of them had rushed to the hospital after Momo had calmed down enough. It wasn't too long after they got there before their mother awoke from her faint.

She had embraced them as hard as she could, yet it terrified both of them by how weak and shaky her grip was. They hugged back gently, their sorrow flowing back out and onto her white hospital clothes and ill skin.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have ever let this happen,  _I'm so sorry,_ " was all their once strong kaa-san could utter. For every apology she begged of them, they forgave her a thousand times over.

Once kaa-san had fallen back asleep (more peacefully this time at least), they were told to leave for home. It had probably taken a lot of maturity and restraint for Momo to not immediately demand to stay. Shintaro himself would be lying if he said that he wasn't tempted to do so himself.

They were lucky that he looked close enough to high school age that no one asked questions of who would be taking care of them. The truth was that they didn't have anyone, and the long, bleak and quiet walk home was one to an empty house.

The brutal storm had finally stopped by then and so had Momo's crying. Her stride beside him was rather agitated, the type of walking that Shintaro knew to mean that she was concentrating very hard on something. He was as well, his own feet thudding on the ground just as harshly.

Shintaro's mind was so full and racing with thoughts and questions ( _how are we going to pay for kaa-san's medicine and treatment? For the house and everything else? I could get a part-time job, maybe even a full-time one. Maybe I could start tutoring for money? Augh, this is tough_ ), that he didn't hear what Momo had said the moment they stepped inside and closed the door.

"Eh? Come again Momo?"

"I said, I'm going to become an idol!"

"Ah, alright then." He took a step forward.

"..."

Then a step backward. "Wait, what?"

Momo was already running to her room before she could see his dumbfounded face. Running back, she was holding a business card. "Do you remember way back when I won my first art competition? My picture got put in the paper and then this talent scout came over and asked if I wanted to become an idol?"

"Of course." How could he forget? He had been the one to open the door when the scout had come knocking and had been the one to stand in front of Momo protectively as their mom chewed the man out for wanting to make an idol out of her seven-year-old. "What are you saying?"

"What I'm  _saying_  is that I'm going to call him and ask if his offer still stands," Momo declared with a determined look as her eyes flickered off of the card.

"W-what? Hold on for one minute." His mouth gaped, stunned, nearly unbelieving. "What gave you this idea?"

Momo's feet shuffled on the carpet below them. "It's been in my head for a while now. Just a dream really. But after what just happened, it's no longer a dream but something I  _have_  to do."

 _Is she serious?_   _Her_ _, an_   _idol_. "You hear what you're saying, right? You're only twelve! And while I'm definitely not an expert in this field, being an idol probably isn't easy."

"What do you mean?"

"What do you mean,  _'what do you mean?_ ' Your privacy will be greatly reduced, people will know you everywhere you go, and you'll have to start seriously working, and those are just the reasons I can think of right now. I'm sure there's plenty more."

"Nii-chan, you think I don't know all about that? I've done lots of research already!"

"You have? Since when?"

"In my free time. Anyway, it's just singing and dancing, right? How hard can it be?"

Shintaro looked at her incredulously. "Um, really hard? Being an idol is a job, you know! It's not all fun and games. Work is work, Momo, no matter how glamorous they make it seem. Agh, you haven't done that much research at all have you?"

Momo flushed. "W-well, I've done  _some._ I know enough already and I'm still gonna do it!"

Her brother raked a strained hand through his hair. "Please, Momo. Doesn't this sound even just a bit too short-sighted to you? Silly almost..."

She pouted in frustration and glared knives at his words. "I don't care! Even if it is hard, that just means that it'll pay really well. Where else will we get the money for kaa-san?"

Her brother paused. "I- I don't know, but I do know that you shouldn't be the one worrying about it. Let me handle this;  _I_  could get a job instead. You're too young to start such a hard career." Wow, wasn't this exactly what kaa-san had said to the talent scout all those years ago? He really  _was_  beginning to sound like a parent, wasn't he? Maybe it was a good thing, though; thanks to a certain tragic development, he would have to play not only a big brother and a father, but now a mother as well.

Momo crossed her arms. "So are you nii-chan. If anyone needs time to themselves, it's you. You need to keep your perfect grades up so you can go to a good university. Isn't that what kaa-san would want?"

Shintaro crossed his arms as well. Two could play at that game. " _Ahem_. Are you implying that you don't need to focus on school as well? Your grades have been steadily improving; you can't just throw that away for something like this."

"I won't! I can do both; I'll just work extra, extra hard in class to make up for everything!" She was turning desperate now. "Please, nii-chan. We really need money now and fast, and I don't think even a smartie-pants like you could get such a high-paying job so soon."

With two fingers raised, she pointed them up to her eyes. "But I have  _these._  I'm in full control now from all the training we've been doing. If I use them as an idol we'll get enough money in no time for sure!"

Shintaro rubbed his thumbs over the rest of his fingers, trying to find another reason to rebuke her idea. It was harder than he'd like to admit, her reasoning was unusually spot on  _(how come she's never used this attitude with her studies?)_

 _"_ What about your art shows? You said you wanted to start doing them once you get to middle school, you won't have time for them if you do this."

" _This_  is way more important. Besides, I'll probably end up winning all the shows anyway with my power so it wouldn't really be fair. It doesn't matter anymore, only this."

"..."

A silence stretched on as the Kisaragi siblings battled against each other in an epic staredown. Shintaro lost intentionally after the first minute, pulling out a kitchen chair to sit on and sigh in exasperation.

"...you don't have to do this, you know. No matter how guilty you feel, none of this was your fault. I want you to believe that."

Momo's intense gaze faded away and she pulled out a chair to sit on beside him. "I do believe that. It's just that ever since tou-san died, you and kaa-san have done everything you could to help out and support us. I've hardly done a thing in comparison, I just stood there and did nothing while you two bent over backward every day for us all."

Shintaro stared at the form of his sister, her back to him, his heart twisting. "...I've never felt that way."

"Well, I do," Momo said firmly and stepped off of the chair to face him once again. "So that's why I have to do this: so I can make up for all those times kaa-san slaved over us and overworked herself up until, well, up until now."

Astonished, Shintaro looked straight into his little sister's face for any hint of hesitation or doubt. He didn't find a single speck of each, and the face he stared down was more confident and absolute than he had ever seen on her. When had she become so grown up?

"Momo, are you completely sure? One hundred percent?"

"One hundred and one percent even. It's about time I put these eyes of mine to good use and start acting like a proper hero from the Mekakushi Duo."

 _Now_   _she gets the name right_ , her brother couldn't help but chuckle in his mind despite the circumstances.

The assertive stance in her shoulders sagged a little. "But as much as I want to do this... I can't do it alone."

"Huh?" Shintaro cocked his damp head to the side. 

"I'm going to need your help; I'm not smart like you, if I try to do this all by myself it could become a disaster."

 _It could very well become a disaster even_  with  _my help_ , Shintaro dryly thought but didn't say.

"I'll be hopeless with all the business and numbers, and you know a lot about music right? Those Vocaloid songs you make are pretty good already!"

" _E-e-eh?!_  You know about those?!" Shintaro exclaimed in total surprise, almost staggering off of his chair, his face already feeling warmer and burning away any leftover rainwater.

"Nii-chan, your password on everything is 4510471." A fond sort of smirk graced Momo's lips. "They weren't that hard to find."

"Ahhh," Shintaro pressed a hand over his blushing face.  _Those songs are way too embarrassing, not to mention incredibly pretentious._  "Do you really want my help after hearing them?"

"Yes." With a steady feeling aura, Momo clasped her hands together and bowed in a final form of pleading. "I know I might already be asking for too much, but all I need is a little help. Please, Shintaro onii-san."

Bright, wet orange hair dangling right in front of his face, Shintaro's vision lifted over as he mulled over his decision. This could easily not work out and leave them worse off than before, or it could work too well and change his sister negatively. There were a thousand different possibilities for this so-called dream to fail. However, seeing her break out of her sadness at the situation so fast, thinking up a solution, and acting so determined to see it through... it all lit a warm candle inside him. In the end, it was this new-found pride that made the decision for him.

"Go get dried up, we'll talk with kaa-san about this tomorrow, then call the talent scout guy if she says yes. We still have enough money to get by for a while, so my only condition is that you don't try starting any big things like concerts or stuff like that until later on; you'll be starting middle school soon anyway. Just so I'll have some time to make a few new songs. Of course, this is all considering that you get the job at all."

He stepped off the chair. "Listen, if you truly want to try this, to do this... I'll support you every step of the way." With his piece said and done, a hand reached out to stroke over her hair. However, he pulled it out of the way as Momo's head shot up. Her face was positively shining and her eyes beamed a joyful red, and this time it truly was from her power.

"You, y-you mean it?!"

A simple nod was enough of an answer in his mind, and her resulting smile was enough of a reward. "Thank you, thank you, thank you..!"

After a brief (lung-crushing) squeeze, Momo was already sailing excitedly across the house and spewing out ideas of songs she would sing and outfits she wanted to wear (Shintaro was a little alarmed when he heard her say 'chains' in her dress description).

As his younger sister's eager voice faded and she disappeared into her room, Shintaro started thinking up his own plans as well.  _I already have two song ideas in mind that might be good enough, but there's no guarantee just yet. I better get to work._

Heading up to his own room and computer to start right away, Shintaro paused for one second as he passed a mirror hanging on the wall.

_This is going to be hard, isn't it? We're going to have to really start thinking about the future... and I guess any extra time with Ayano will need to be put on hold. But in the end, it'll all be worth it, I'm sure._

Looking into the eyes of his reflection, a finger snaked its way along the edges of his muffler. After all of this time, it no longer felt wrong to wear it.

_So you can rest in peace, tou-san. I'm sure we will pull through._


End file.
